The Office Curve

Mama Bear

It's amazing what measures you take when a mama bear decides to attack the man you love.

Okay, so Cecile wasn't an actual bear.  But with the way she roared her grievances, I doubt the neighbors could have told the difference. 

I've never thrown on my clothes so quickly in my life.  Cecile wasn't just made - she was pissed.  I didn't have to be in the same room to know that she was on that ass, smacking him over and over again.  For a man over six feet tall who looked more than capable of holding his own against any opponent, he didn't put up a fight.  His painful cries made that abundantly clear.

"Stop hitting me mom!" he cried out over and over again!  "The neighbors are going to call the cops if you keep this up!"

"Let them!" Cecile hissed.  She actually sounded like she was really upset.  "That way they can arrest you for being such a lousy son!"

"Mama, no!" Ouch - that particular hit sounded like it hurt.  "Mama, please, stop!  I don't want to die!"

"You should have thought about that before you ran off and got married to the future wife of my dreams!  And even worse, I found out from a picture!  A DAMN PICTURE!"  I'd heard enough.  I rushed over to Kaim's netbook nearby and thankfully, he'd left it on.  I needed to find the source pic and fast.  Lucky for myself and for Kaim, I was an expert it the art of Google-Fu.  I'd hit the bridal expo website first.  "You know much I've wanted to see you marry a nice girl!  I've had a hope chest and money saved for years!  How could you do this to me, Kaim?  Were you that dead set on a city hall ceremony?"

"I'm telling you, we're not married, Mom!"  The hits just kept on coming.  I thought I gave my sister a beating - I had nothing on Cecile Harris.  If this kept up, she'd knock him out with a wild Haymaker punch.  "Please, stop hitting me!"

"Then what do you call this, son?!"  I heard the rustle of paper, and Kaim letting out a long hiss, like he saw something he didn't want to see.  Geez, the fashion show as more than a week ago?  Were they circulating over the internet that fast?  "And please don't tell me that it isn't what it looks like."

"But it isn't - OW!" Now, that really sounded like it hurt.  I needed to search faster - ah!  A gallery of fashion show photos!  "I'm telling you mom, it's not what it looks like!  Will you let me explain myself?"

"This photo explains plenty!"  Come on, come on, there's got be a picture somewhere?  We were the showstoppers for crying outloud!  Were all those pictures of vintage-style, tea-length wedding dresses really necessary?  "There you are, looking just handsome in that tux of yours."  Sniffle.  "I always said you looked good in a suit."  Sniffle, sniffle.  Come on, let me find something!  "And don't get me started on Zara!  She's just so beautiful!  And I missed it all!"

Kaim grunted as the flurries of hits just kept coming.  My chest tightened as my search grew more frantic.  Agitation gripped me.  Are you telling me that there's no pictures of us, the supposed showstoppers - ah!  There it is!!  And there's more than one!  "Mom!  I'm telling you, I didn't get married.  I don't even have a ring on, see?"

"You probably took it off to take a shower or something because you didn't want to ruin it!" Cecile shot back.  "Your dad did the same thing when he took a shower, because he said he wanted his ring to keep shining like my eyes."  I unplugged his charger from his laptop, picking it up in a hurry.  I needed to stop her before she really got started with her guilt trip.  Oh yeah, and to limit the amount of bruises Kaim had tomorrow morning.  "You can't fool me!"

"I'm not trying to fool you, Mom, I'm trying to save my life!"  I rushed out the bedroom door, struggling to keep my footing along the way.  Damn it, why did hardwood floors have to be so damn slippery.  "I'm telling you, I'm not married!  I just did a wedding fashion show for work, that's all!  They asked Zara and I to do it!  So please, stop hitting me!"