The Closer I Get to You

11

Beyoncé

I stand in the mirror in a generously tight blue dress and a coat in case it gets cold.

My mama took Solange and went to get this weeks groceries so that's a load off of me.

I clutch my bag close and check the time on my phone before tapping away to get an Uber. The service doesn't start for another hour. I get a notification saying that the driver will be here I. 5 minutes.

I get my things together and make my way to my front porch.

It honestly feels nostalgic to scramble for church. Reminds me of my mama trying to make sure my hair was looking good and that my shoes and dress were flowing the right way.

I worry if I look good enough for Nicki. Will she even be checking for me? She's the pastor's daughter, they probably have her helping out with little kids or something. I know why I care so much, but I also feel embarrassed for worrying about a straight Christian girl. I feel like I'm gonna end up hurting myself in the end.

But I'm gonna do this because I feel like I need to make it up to her. Deep down I don't wanna burn the bridges.

___________

I arrive fifteen minutes later and walk through the church door. The choir is here along with the pastor, a few early birds, and everyone else with an important task.

This is the same church I used to come to, wow. I think to myself. Not much has changed and all the memories come back.

I find a seat in the back and the minute my ass touches the seat I hear exclamations and yelps. I look up to see Nicki and Robyn. Nicki is in a choir robe and Robyn is dressed quite modestly too.

"Well hello." Robyn says.

"Hey."

"You came." Nicki says with a big smile.

I smile wide right back at her and my chest flutters at her presence, "Yes, I did."

"Come sit with the family up front." Robyn suggests and tilts her head towards the first row of pews.

Nicki waves me over and holds her hand out. I take it and she takes me up to the front rows. This is a mega church, so it's quite a walk. I won't lie, I enjoy her hand in mine. Her quick little pulse is felt in the tips of her fingers. It's almost like I'm feeling every bit of her emotions. I just feel bad.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm in church, but I feel the biggest urge to just repent and apologize, not to God, but to Nicki.

I look at her and feel a bit okay to be caught staring. This is what being sober brings out of me, I've started to take note. I can be an empathetic person if I'm conscious enough.

"Nicki..." I say.

"Yes, Beyonce?"

"I--I'm sorry." I state.

"It's fine, Yonce. Here, sit down, I gotta few minutes."

We sit down in the first row of pews and she still has a hold on my hands.

"I've forgiven you long ago, it's okay."

"I just need help, Nika, I just don't know what about or how to."

"Mind praying?"

I nod without hesitation. I'll take anything at this point. Even if Nicki and I never become anything, I don't wanna be ride to a nice person like her. It just doesn't sit well on my conscience once I start to sober up.

Once she closes her eyes, I join her and she takes a breath.

"Dear Father God, I am here praying with my friend Beyoncé..." She brings me closer and I sink into her embrace. "Please bring her peace and clarity, help her through and turbulence that may be going on in her life. Please protect and guide her, Lord."

I have never had anyone pray over me like this but I accept it full heartedly. I can feel the love Onika is putting into this. Literally I can feel it like a pair of reassuring hands. You don't have to be a Christian to feel something out of this.

I close my eyes and start mentally repeating what Nicki says.

I truly do want to change, I want to recover and put my addiction behind me, I just don't know how to. I'm rebounding and relapsing everytime something goes remotely wrong. I hate turning my friends away from me, I hate hurting nice people.

"Wanna add some of your own words, Beyoncé?"

I nod, "I ask for strength."

I tighten my eyes for a bit and let my needs flow out. Please help me achieve self control, I don't wanna lose her. I'm not asking for no problems, I just want a better way to deal with them without inviting in another issue.

Without noticing, I've started crying against Nicki's shoulder. She doesn't say a word, just hugs me tight.

"It's okay, God hears you. I know He can help you." She reassures, rubbing my back up and down.

I let my eyes shut and allow myself to be vulnerable. Her sweet hums are as soothing as can be and for once I've allowed myself to be emotionally real to someone. It doesn't hurt. It feels good to have some level of support, actually.

I pull away a tiny bit to wipe my tears and I see her warm smile. Yeah, I need to start being nice to her. She's a literal fucking angel.

"Is there more you wanna add to your prayer?" She asks.

I shake my head "no".

"Alright, thank you so much Lord for all that you do for us, thank you for listening to Beyoncé. In your name we pray, Amen." Nicki wipes an excess tear and looks to me with a bit of concern. "Want me to stay here? Need anything?"

"You're fine." I answer.

We sit in eachother's arms and I hate it when she has to leave me to go sing with the choir.

__________________

When do you think Nicki is gonna acknowledge her attraction to Beyoncé?

Do you think Beyoncé will be returning to church?

How do I make Beyoncé more of a simp for future chapters?

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