The Closer I Get to You

37

TW: HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE, ETC.

Nicki

I drive to my parents' guest house, my mama and dad are not on good terms so my dad is living there for a bit. It's in the middle of the mountains and it takes a bumpy ass road to get there.

I'm afraid of what will happen and I've got a shitty gut feeling. But I have to. I just wouldn't be able to not say something about it.

I turn the music on in the car loudly. It's one way to silence my thoughts.

I get to a clearing and see the guest house. This is new, I think I've been here once in junior year when I hosted a sleepover. I don't really know the way here that well.

I park my car and step out.

All the nervousness kicks in. I see him standing at the door with his arms crossed in a polo and some slacks. The same posture/pose I've seen him sport for years now.

"Oh my daughter! Onika Tanya!" His voice booms with happiness to see me.

I told him we were gonna talk and he wastes no time in taking my hand guiding me to the office on the second floor. I'm booming with nervousness and I'm sure he can tell.

He pulls a chair out for me and I sit. He moves to sit on the other side of the desk. This is it. I gotta tell him.

I clutch my phone and keys in my lap as he adjusts himself in the seat. He has a desktop computer, a bookshelf with books by Christian authors, bible verses all over the walls, pictures of me as a little girl framed real big all over his desk, a teddy bear, candy, and some other stuff. My father's office has always looked like this in every office he's had.

He slaps his thighs and licks his lips and sighs.

"Okay so what's going on? Issues in life? School going well or what?"

"Um..." my heart begins to race.

I remember when gay marriage got legalized, he left the house with a red face and veins bulging out his forehead. I had to have been in middle school. When he returned he ranted then left again. Grabbed me by the shirt and told me that I'd better not come home with "that blasphemy". Scared me shitless, he had my short ass floating in the air then basically threw me on the floor after my mother was trying to figure out what was getting into him.

I was also going through it because Beyoncé had stopped coming to church too. It was just a lot for me and I didn't understand as a child no matter how many times that verse was read out for me.

"Speak to me, Onika. Need advice? Want to pray?"

"I'm a lesbian." I spit out.

He stands up and I keep my gaze down. I feel myself getting red and I look down. If this were a cartoon, he'd be levitating with smoke coming out of his ears. I shiver a bit as nothing is said.

"You are not my daughter, you're filthy--"

I'm hit by a bible on the side of my head. It sends my head turning the other way. I give myself two seconds to process what he's done before I'm racing out of the room. The throbbing coming soon after. The man, six foot tall catches up to me and grabs me by the shoulder, turning me around and landing another punch to my face and shoving me to the ground.

"Ow!"

"You are not my daughter, you live in sin! All that work I put into you--"

I slowly start backing up and notice my pulse going at an ungodly speed. I try to stabilizing myself on a wall but it's fruitless. I fall down the very steps I was led up on.

"Ah, great you dumb dirty bitch!" Is all I hear as I tumble backwards and hurt myself on the way down.

I feel myself being jabbed in the left and right sides on the edges of every step.

I wanna get out of here. That's all I can really think of. I can't think clearly and can't remember what door I came in through. My luck is so great, isn't it?

All I hear is my own breathing, I can't even hear his yelling after a certain point. I feel one last thump on my side and I land on my hands and knees. I catch a few breaths and all the pain hits at once. That man hasn't ever done me this bad. Maybe a swat on the ass whenever I slipped up or two, or yelled and took things but never this. I pulled a different side out of him that I didn't even know existed. I don't think I did, I KNOW I did.

I notice it's a bit too quiet and by the time I collect myself to try and find my keys to get the hell out, I do. I click the unlock button so fucking fast. My car is heard beeping from outside and I decide to use that as my guide.

Suddenly I land back on my hand and I feel the keys go through my hand. I let out a cry of pain since I'm so present and aware now. Maybe I should've kept quiet about it.

This man threw a shelf on me.

I struggle to get up out from under the shelf and run for the kitchen. A pot thrown at my head almost sends me unconscious. I turn around and he sends another one that hits me in the stomach. I finally find the door.

I make a run for it and get in the car.

I think I hear more obscenities as I drive away but hey, I did it.

_____________

I collapse into Beyoncé's arms and she scoops me up. I barely made it. I wanna curl up and cry. I was expecting this but I didn't want this to happen.

Every area of my body hurts. I feel like I've returned from war. There's a hole in the middle of my hand from the key. I wince as Beyoncé gently moves to examine it.

"Fuck!" I swipe it back.

"Oh baby!"

I cough as I struggle to hold myself up. My cheek swelled up on the way here.

"He touched you?!" Beyoncé forces me up gently and examines my face and gently lifts my shirt off to reveal a bruise on my stomach. "Nika..."

I'm in too much pain I can't respond.

"I'm taking you to the hospital, this internal bleeding ain't it?! I'm calling yo mama, c'mon!"

She picks me up bridal style and I slowly lose consciousness.

"Stay with me."