The Closer I Get to You

23

Beyoncé

My mama has been on edge since the moment I woke up.

I'm forced to eat McDonald's breakfast in the car while she stands outside the building making a call. I don't know what to expect, but I agreed because I can tell it's urgent.

My phone buzzes against my leg and I take it out revealing a text from Kyla. It's the usual "Good Morning, how are you?". I respond to her quickly.

We've been getting along just fine but our friendship is mostly virtual since the both of us are too busy to meet up anywhere else at any other time.

I like the girl. Not like that, but she has been a relatively good distraction for my issues since falling out with Nicki and the rest of the girls (kinda).

Anyways...

My mama usually doesn't act this way.

I take another bite out of my hash brown and she returns. She's very flustered, I can tell. I just can't bring myself to ask her.

Once she starts driving, I can tell she's wiping tears. I'm not sure what's going on. Did a family member pass away? Is Solange sick?

I look out the window and see that we are approaching church. I remember the route closely. I'm not sure why though. Did she reconcile with Carol?

We pull into the parking lot that is empty with the exception of two other cars.

I don't get out immediately. I turn to my mother.

"Beyoncé..." she says after gulping. "I know everything now."

I furrow my brows.

"You've been doing drugs." She states.

I don't feel anything, partially because I've quit and I am three months sober. She's late to the news, but it sinks in that someone within my inner circle must've told her. But then again, my mama doesn't speak to my friends like that. Who could've told?

"Beyoncé, I'm not... angry. But as your mother I want to get you as much help as possible. AA meetings are held here."

My chest clenches.

"Mama, I--"

She cuts me off, "You're doing it, Giselle." She says. "I will not permit drugs under the roof an 11 year old happens to live under. From experience, dealing with an addict is not something I wanna do again. Please just accept help and make the changes."

I just nod.

I'm frustrated she isn't hearing me. I quit. I've been sober for a while. I could use a therapy session for trauma. Not addiction. I guess I'll do this for her peace of mind.

We both get out the car and I struggle to process this. I'm afraid to walk into the church.

My mama takes my hand and we get through the doors.

I see a poster board that reads Meeting at 10:30am. With an assload of hearts and crosses surrounding it. We're a few minutes early, by the way.

A few other parents and teens are right behind us and my mama takes it upon herself to lead us to the first few rows of pews.

I see Nicki's father, Pastor Maraj on the altar with his wife next to him. They give warm smiles.

I dip my head down shamefully. Mama rubs my hand since she never let it go.

The pastor starts off with the redundant "how God created the earth and everything on it in 7 days", how Jesus died for us, how our actions are sinful but we can still seek redemption, etc, etc. Then he invites over another guy who is specialized in addiction of sorts.

The rambling goes on and on and on and on and on. I'd say for about roughly and hour and a half.

I look up when I hear a loud door opening.

Nicki appears to come out from the back of the stage and awkwardly walks around the drum set and arranged chairs.

She makes eye contact with me and looks shocked as she stands next to her parents.

It's my first time seeing her here since the movies and I just feel overwhelmed. It's quite a shitty day. I can't tell if she's just as shocked to see me in this circumstance. I can't tell if she's mad. I can't even tell if we're still friends.

I feel worse than I did before. Attending a meeting for an addicition I've already ended and seeing her unsolicited as well?

That's like taking a fat person to an all you can eat buffet when they need to lose weight. Nicki is my longest lasting addiction and I'm starting to believe I should sober up from this one too.

As the closer comes we are all forced to huddle together to pray.

The pastor and his wife come closer and Nicki for a second hesitates.

The rest of us bow our heads down and touch someone.

I begging to tear up because of Nicki, not because the prayer is moving me. She's so close, yet so far away. I ruined something good.

I don't even have to look up because I can feel her stare piercing me. I feel a couple other parents rub my shoulder for comfort but it doesn't work. I want Nicki but I can't have her.

Eventually the quiet tears turn to louder sobs and I just drop to my knees and hide my face into the carpet. I let my feelings about the ordeal out for the first time in a few weeks.

"That's it! Call to God. He hears you."

If this wasn't Onika Tanya Maraj's father I would've smacked him. Shouldn't this prayer have been short and sweet, anyways?

I feel snot coming up from the back of my throat and I cough a bit. I want Nicki. I have never wanted anything else so badly. Anyone for that matter.

I don't think I can get rid of her, even if I were to physically leave. She is my biggest battle yet.

_________

Thoughts?

What do you think Nicki was thinking?

What do you think will happen next?

requests? I'm tryna make books longer than 30 chapters. Will credit you if I use your idea.

Should I start adding music to chapters in future works?