I got a face full of hair while Kyla struggled to get into my car.
"Damn!" I exclaim.
"Shut up and buckle up." I nearly push her off of me into the passenger seat.
"Nicki gonna be there?" She asks.
After a few introductory chats, I found that Kyla has her own Nicki back in her hometown. She's given me sprinkles of advice here and there, it's nice for lesbians to give each other advice. She's a cool person. Like the big sister/cousin I never had.
I'm taking her back to the lake with me because Robyn proposed for all of us to go out together. She also wanted the other girls to meet Kyla. She's weird enough to fit in with us just fine. I'm sure of it.
I nod, "It's a group get together, so..."
She shakes her head, "You okay after y'know... two weeks ago?"
I nod.
Speak of Nicki. I kinda felt at a crossroads when she told me she liked me. I lost a droplet of trust in her after she freaked out at the movies. I still have a guard up from that. That's why I told her we should take it slow.
When Nicki is ready to love me out loud, she can put the effort into it. I don't wanna be loved in the dark. She can come look for me, I'm not going anywhere. I promised her that.
Fuck that sneaking around shit.
I understand that Christianity can have such a choke-hold on some folks. Over time I've understood that by seeing how it tore my mama apart on some days. I can't imagine what internal issues Nicki has from being a Pastor's Kid. Living with someone consistently spewing rhetoric that is clearly against you.
I could barely withstand it at group, I can't imagine what it feels like to be around the man 24/7. I mean that with full offense. She's probably got a lap load of shit to recover from mentally.
But every time I think about her and us, I just want to call her and tell her that we should speed it up. What I would give to feel her lips on mine the right way. What the hell do I do?
______________
Kyla and I walk along the shore shoulder to shoulder with our towels and bags. We laugh at each other's slick remarks as we head down to where my friends are.
Solana, Robyn, Kelly and Nicki are all sat a good distance from the shore.
Kyla playfully shoves me and I nearly lose balance somehow. I shove her back and she pokes at my tits. This is why I can't ever wear anything skin tight around her.
"You got some big ass mommy milkers, Knowles."
"You checkin' me out? Don't do that." I chuckle.
"What about it?" she gets up close next to me and nuzzles her face in my neck.
We are now a few feet away from the girls.
Kelly jumps up from her chair and greets me. I nearly stumble back with the girl in my arms. Solana is reclining on the chair and stops in shock as she sees Kyla. Robyn takes large ass sips from her cup of coke. Nicki looks up at me blankly as she sits with a bag of chips in her lap and her sunglasses on. She sits to Robyn's right.
Neither of us know how to tread with our status. I guess that's why I don't really acknowledge her further than a wave.
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(her swimsuit)
I push Kyla in front of me playfully, "Y'all this is Kyla."
"Hey."
She leans back to try to stick her tongue up my ear but I push her back.
"Girl, keep fuckin' around and imma have you thrown in this water."
"She weird, she'll fit in with us." Kelly says.
I'm finally able to put her down.
Kyla takes a seat next to Solana. I take a seat in an empty seat on Robyn's left.
"Now if I was gay, I woulda busted my pussy open all over her face." Robyn says.
My eyes gape open as I take in her words.
I look to Kyla and see her sitting next to Solana, looking quite comfortable.
"Ight, now that y'all here, imma get my sexy black ass in the water. Maybe I can look hot and candid enough for a man." Robyn says as she slaps her thighs.
With that, Robyn, Kelly, Solana and Kyla get up. I stay sitting so I can rummage around the coolers and have some chips to myself until they come back. Robyn and the rest of them
Nicki flips around her phone quietly.
I'm not sure what to even say to her. We've just been kinda awkward lately.
What do you say to someone you called in the middle of the night so you could avoid calling a dealer after a nightmare, AFTER you just made up?
Fuck "what do you say"?, how about "where do you start"?
I turn my focus back to my friends in the water. I rub the small throb in the front of my head.
Solana and Kyla will definitely be a thing by the time we get back in the car to go home.
"Bey..." Nicki speaks up.
"Yeah."
"You been good?"
I nod.
"Wanna join them?"
"Sure."
I'm right behind her when she gets up to go into the lake. There's an immense amount of self control keeping me from reaching for her hand. I just don't know if she wants that. Is that appropriate?
Little kids cut between us, splitting us up a few feet. I stop, Nicki looks back and keeps taking slow steps forward.
I stand back and watch Nicki as she looks into the distance.
