The Closer I Get to You

35

Nicki

I'm anxious to speak to my mother. I just have to.

It's sunday and I find myself getting ready for church. Beyoncé reclines and watches me get dressed.

She's nervous for me I can tell.

"Babygirl, what you wanna eat later so I can order something?"

I shrug.

"You good?" She sits up, the blanket falling off of her boobs.

(Yes, we did). What's the use in lying to Beyoncé when this has been the topic since friday... The girl is psychic, I swear. Or maybe I'm just constantly stuck on something.

"It's gone be fine." She says as I jump to get in my dress. "Get it off your chest, bae."

"Can we talk 'bout sum else?"

"What, big head?"

Well that was easy. I whip around and throw my edge control at her while she doesn't anticipate it.

"'Now, Tanya when you come back--"

I begin smirking up a storm and she starts cracking up.

"Why you got mad when it's true?!" She giggles.

"Don't say I got a big head, you got big ears."

"Our kids gone be lookin' funny because of the both of us anyway."

"DO NOT speak that into existence, Beyoncé. I'm not playin'."

I get close to her face and my finger is pointed. She leans forward and sucks on it. I immediately un-tense and stick another in her mouth, swirling aggressively. I think I tickled her tonsils.

"Yeah, I got you back." I gawk after I keep my fingers hooked in her mouth then let her go. "Hey I gotta go neeooww."

I groan and kiss up her jawline.

"Fineeee." Beyoncé groans and I give her a few more smooches before I have to go.

I'm dreading this.

"Baby, you gon' be fine." She insists.
_______________

I arrived a tad late due to traffic, but not too late. The choir is up on the stage singing. I duck my head and shake the bishop's hand as I choose my seat at the very back of the church.

Odd. He's someone I've known since I was two but he didn't notice me. Or maybe he did and didn't draw much attention to it.

The chorus fills the entire place up with sound. People dance and catch the spirit and jump up and down. No one notices me.

I set my bag down on my chair and take it all in. I don't jump up and down but I do clap a bit and smile. I see my mama and everyone else in the choir having a blast. My mama sings her solo and the entire church absolutely erupts. I can't help but smile wide at it.

Out of nowhere, I'm yanked from my spot and an older lady is jumping while holding onto me. I almost died for a second. I try to keep my head low when I remember her but also can't hold back a laugh. She's like 90 and jumping around so wildly. Please, I hope I'm like this when I reach that age.

She leads me towards the front.

There are loads of people dancing and jumping around with tamborines and drums. Like a mosh pit but safer and less chaotic somehow.