The Closer I Get to You

42

TW: bodily fluids...

Beyoncé

Nicki comes home with tears in her eyes. I've just gotten home from classes not even five minutes ago and am looking for something to eat. I stop immediately. I wanna make sure she's okay. I can tell when Onika is upset.

"What's wrong my love?" I stop her and she looks up at me, tears in her eyes.

She can't muster up a word. Only shoves her face in my chest. I just get more worried with the recent things that have been happening with her family and all. What else could've possibly came up?

"Mama, what's wrong."

"She knew and she--" Nicki groans loudly in anger and flails her arms. "Turns out he's been doing this since before I was born!"

I'm angry with her. Why beat your daughter down for a sexuality you also have?

"Tell me the full thing, baby." I can tell she wants to get it off her chest.

"Beyoncé, SHE KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME! YEARS! MARRIED HIM KNOWING FULL WELL. Robbed me not only of a father figure, but of the little trust and love I had for him. I don't know if I can trust my mama anymore after that Beyoncé, or him." She huffs. "I don't know what to do baby."

She walks away from me towards the bathroom. I give her a few seconds before following. I can tell she has a lot to digest and process.

I hear a few sobs and rummaging in the cabinet. Maybe she's looking for tissues, I'll give her a minute. I get a room temperature bottled water and her favorite robe and wait for her in our bed. I know she'll want to be warm and left alone for the rest of the evening.

I hear rattling and it triggers something in me for some reason. She's been in there for a while. I get up and knock at the door.

"Baby... you good?"

I hear nothing.

"Mamas." I get worried.

I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and hear groans on the other side of the door.

I push it all the way open to see her kneeled over the toilet, vomiting.

In better light, I see she's ten times worse than I thought she was when she first arrived home. Dark circles around her eyes, sweating...

I drop in my knees next to her and hold her hair.

"You okay?" No duh, she isn't but I'm not sure what else to say...

"I feel so..." she hurls again. "fucking sick after all of that..." again.

Tears stream down her pinkening face. Nicki lets out some more tears after the silence. She wipes her mouth and I find it safe to assume she feels a little bette rand nothing more will come up.

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm right here."

"I don't know-- what the fuck to do Bey. I can't catch a break!"

"I understand my love. C'mon let's get you to bed."

I take her by the hand and take her coat off. She's burning up. She strips down to her underwear and bra and puts her robe on. I'm guessing she's burning up which is why she won't fully close it up and is fanning herself.

"Your water."

She takes a few gulps down.

"Relax, I'm right here with you. I won't move. Talk to me. Get it off your chest."

I pull out a trash can with a grocery bag in it and set it at the bedside in case she'll need it. I lay next to her and gather her up in my arms.

Her warmth is almost scary.

I listen to everything. My expression scrunches up and relaxes with everything she tells me. I can see her visibly relax and get better as she speaks more and more. Eventually she cuddles back in my chest and her words become more spaced out. Minutes later she ends up asleep.

I kiss the top of her head. I'm so tempted to take care of the man causing my baby harm. Regardless if she's blood related to him. I hate to see her hurting so much over a hypocrite.

"Fuck him at this point, Bey."

I move her tears away and she continues saying it. I don't say a thing and just let her unburden herself.

"I never needed him. I'm good without him. Fuck him."

"You all I need, BB. Just you and my mama." She sniffles and nuzzles in my chest.

"I love you, you hella strong." I rub her back.

"I love you too."