Begin Again

Chapter 12

"Your girlfriend? You're joking" I say smirking at Joe in denial. A regretful ashamed look takes over his whole face and he starts avoiding eye contact, emphasizing that what he's just said wasn't a joke.

We sit in thunderstruck silence for several minutes as I'm trying to process the offensive info I've just received, he even said it so coldly as if he didn't know it'd crush my heart into million pieces. I wait for Joe to say anything but he keeps his lips sealed. I cup his jaw with my hands to anchor his attention on me, and look into his eyes in disbelief,

"Joe I put my heart on the line for you! Please tell me you're lying to me it'd make me feel better. Tell me I mean something to you!" I manage to put the words together in a shattered and lifeless voice. Yet, he doesn't let a word out, not even in his defense. He's just trying his best to avoid looking into my eyes.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE SAY SOMETHING JOE!! If you're already in a relationship how did you allow yourself to touch me?! Why'd you make me fall for you and keep me on the hook giving me false hope that we were something?!!" I pause, preventing my tears from falling down cause I've gotten enough of being vulnerable and weak, "I've let myself trust someone for the first time in years cause I found you different and genuine, but guess I was wrong again. You've no idea how worthless you made me feel!!"

Joe looks up at me shamefaced, "I didn't mean to..."

"Oh really?! Joe you used me! I was literally nothing but a sex toy to you!!"

"Taylor you weren't a-"

"SHUT UP AND GET OUT!!" I scream on top of my lungs cutting his sentence, I don't wanna hear it from him, how he didn't see me as anything more than a lust.

Joe sighs looking at me apologetically, he opens his mouth to say something then stops and looks down again, it's like he knows that anything he'd say would just make it all worse. I head to open the door with my feelings ranging from anger to disappointment to betrayal, still not shedding a single tear even though I can feel my eyes burning,

"TAKE YOUR DAMN MONEY AND FUCK OFF JOE!! Don't dare to show up here ever again!"

"I'm so sorry," was all what he said so quietly before leaving me behind with a cracked heart. And he didn't even face me when he said it, I wonder if he genuinely meant it.

Once I shut the door and my first tear breaks free, the rest follows in an unbroken stream. I'm having such a peculiar feeling, that this pain would be for evermore.

A Month Later...

Joe's POV:

Life has decided to treat me well for the first time after months of torture. Gigi's finally agreed to meet me tonight!! I was walking on air when I got the text from her this morning, I fucking miss her! It's been months since we last met and things haven't been going so well between us since then. Moreover, I received my first salary from the yogurt shop I'm working at yesterday, and I managed to find a place to settle down. Not gonna lie it might be more pathetic than Taylor's place, but I don't take things for granted anymore.

Speaking of Taylor, we haven't been in touch since the day I left her flat, and honestly I still feel bad for her. Throughout the month I thought about visiting her several times to apologize, but she might not be ready to talk to me yet so I'll give her some more time. I know I've hurt her, and genuinely it was painful for me to see her like that, but that was the right thing to do. I couldn't have hid the fact that I'm dating from her cause I'd have felt guilty about it, and I already have enough things to feel guilty about!

I actually thought that when I'd tell her about my brother's accident she was gonna realize what a careless and reckless person I am and hate me for it, but unexpectedly she didn't! She was trying to ease my pain instead, leaving me with no other choice but telling her about Gigi, so she'd let me go and move on with her life.