"Kalani are you okay? Did you get rid of them?" He asks worriedly. I look at the mirror and it's pitch black. They're not following me anymore. I held back my tears and I nodded my head as if he can see me.
"Y-yes I-i did" I mumble sniffling.
"Tha...
Getting into my car, I speed down the the street and I head home. I really want to speak to Kalani, I need to speak to her. I just need to get a hold of her number or some shit, she drives me fucking insane.
Doing 90, I see something in the distance. I recognize that dress.. Gold.
Slowly pulling up to the girl on the side of the road, I see it's kalani, heels in her hands, and her bag slightly falling off her shoulder. A crying kalani is what I also see.
I honk the horn in hopes she see me.
" kalani ? " I say quietly. She quickly wipes her tears and looks at me and sets with an annoyed expression.
" Silas what the fuck are u doing ? " she asks harshly.
" Lani are u crying? Why are u crying? " I ask worriedly. Why the hell is she outside at 11:46, pitch black, crying? Was it because of something I did? What the fuck.
" why the hell do u care? leave me alone Silas " Something must be really wrong. Kalani was never this harsh. She was the sweetest person u could come across. When it came across her, she could light up a room just with a single smile. It seems as if someone, something had hurted her over the years and it's taking everything in her not to burst.
I want to get out and hug her and be there for her, but she needs her space and I respect that, so I settle with, " believe it or not, people care about u kalani "
" well stop fucking caring Silas. God? What the hell do u what from me? "
I want u to know I care. I want u. only u, but I can't because I just can't tell u why I left.
She turns around and starts walking the other way, so i slowly back up.
" Kalani please? " I pleaded " I need u to forgive me. I miss you like crazy! " I yell. She shakes her head and I just want her to to say she misses me to but I know it's not gonna fucking happen. " I'm fucking sorry okay ? "
She stops in her tracks, and I stop my car. Leaving the car on, I hop out and walk over to her. Fuck she's beautiful.
" Leave me the fuck alone Silas. Go home. Don't think for a goddamn second u have the nerve to come here and apologize. Fuck you and your apology. Stop worrying about me "
I hate this. This arguing. I hate it so much. And I just don't fucking know what to do.
" I can't tell u fully why I left lani, but know that I am fucking sorry for what I did to u. I miss u more than anything. Please lani " this is what it has come to. Constant pleading. But I need her to know how fucking sorry I am. Even if that fucking means getting on my knees and yelling it out to the whole goddamn world.
" No I can't forgive you until u tell me why u left me. When u figure your shit out, come see me. Goodnight Silas. "
I watched her walk. Walk away.
I couldn't do anything. And I fucking hated myself for it. I want to tell her why I left but it's just something that I can't tell her. I don't wanna make her feelings invalid. I don't know why she's so hellbent on why I left. I mean did something happen? I know she's been through shit with her moms but I don't know the full story.
Fuck. I don't know what to do. I really do miss her. I want her to know that. I haven't stopped thinking about her since our argument. I knew that one day I would possibly see her again and explain it all to her. But I just can't. And If I do, one of us will still get hurt.
Speeding off, I head home.
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I park my car inside of the garage and head over to the door. Entering the lights are dim and I hear sage giggling and loud laughter. Going deeper in the house, I knock on the door and hearing that the laughter died down I hear a soft " come in " and I enter the room.
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Seeing her on the phone with her girlfriend, I just tell her that I was home and I was going to bed.
Heading into my bed room I take off my clothes and head towards the shower.
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After about an hour, I get out the shower, I do my face routine and shit. Walking towards my closet, I pull out a white tee, black sweatpants and white socks. Deciding I'm not tired yet, I grab my glasses and head towards the Mini library we have in the house.
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Taking a bottle of whisky, I pot myself a glass and pull out a copy of " Persuasion " by Jane Austen.
Sitting in my chair, I get to reading trying to get my mind off of kalani, but I just fucking can't. I'm good at fucking things up aren't I.
Heading up stairs after about an 1 hour of reading, I lay in my bed drifting off to how the hell I'm gonna fix this shit with kalani.
