Tomboy

#15. What Is Love?

Excuse the mistakes...
________________________Axel

I had just watched as she was picked on, as she stood up for herself and as Sam intervened and became the bigger man.

But what could I do? I'm the one who put her in that position. The position where she was seen as inferior, a minor, unwanted and invaluable. I was the one who put her in the position as being Reeky.

It was all me, because I was selfish and inconsiderate. All I wanted to do was become popular and all I need was someone like her. Someone weak and easy to pick on but now I know I was wrong, because she was the strong one who stood through all that without shedding a tear publicly. She was the one always put me in my place and she was the girl i saw today stand up for herself in the face of the whole school. The girl I saw today stand up against her old best friend.

But when I looked her way she was staring at me as if I wasn't worth it. As if all this was because of me, which it was. But I could also see something else in her eyes that cried desperately for me to understand, but as hard as I tried I didn't know what it was she was red me to know.

Looking away, I smirked as I heard Amber's pathetic remark of her ownership of me. No she did not own me, but the girl she was accusing did because all I could think of was her.

But just because we didn't talk didn't mean I didn't think about her. I was just trying to distance myself because I knew I couldn't have her.

From negative thoughts as a bully, to positive thoughts of hope now. From then until now, she still owned my attention and my being. She was all I thought about. But she didn't see that. Why would she try?

Walking to the cafeteria at lunch, I saw Sam sitting beside Lyric. Both laughing, today morning's incident already forgotten and even though it didn't concern me I was the one who was constantly overthinking about it.

"Can you believe it?!" Cash came up behind me, slapping me across the back. "I can't believe Reeky is so fücking hot now."

I just shook my head at him, I didn't really want to discuss the thoughts running through my head right now. Not with Cash or Ashton or Reece.
They'd only make life hard for me.

Cash looked around the table of four guys including me, squinting his eyes before chuckling, "Why's he PMSing?" He asked the guys and they just shrugged and laughed it off.

I looked back at Lyrics table and even then she didn't seem to be sulking, looking around and hoping she'd die.

Like I told her to.

I regret until now what I said to her, but I couldn't bring myself to apologize incase it ended the same way as the previous one did.

I walked away, and even though I knew then that if I did this then this,then this would be it. My chance to redeem myself would be gone, but was it worth the trouble? Yes. Why because I knew that I'd never get anywhere with her.

I leaned against a locker and closed my eyes, breathing deeply to calm my nerves. This was not how I envisioned things to end up when I first re-met Lyric. This-

"I actually thought you had just maybe changed." She said, breaking me from my reverie. My heart picked up pace as my palms became sweaty. I seemed to be running in circles, every time I thought I'd finally made it far enough away from her she'd appear.

"Well I guess you're wrong." I spoke, slowly opening my eyes and looking into hers. They seemed frustrated and they were concealing emotions that I couldn't read. But the light and mischief, I had seen a few days ago were completely gone. She'd suffered in the week she'd been here and it was evident in her composure but she never let go. She never cried, not when she was on the floor in her bedroom writhing herself to near death and not when I worsened it by telling her to go ahead and finish the job.