Tomboy

#18. Romeo and Juliet

Lyric

I shouted in frustration as I took a swing at it, hearing the loud clatter of glass rain across the floor. My eyes shut, my hand stinging as I took another swing, making the shards spray unevenly across the ground and penetrate the thin skin where my knuckles made contact.

I stood there looking at my distorted reflection in the pieces that clung on to the board, hating my life and everyone in it. I hated it when people saw me cry but at the same time I hated how nobody saw how broken and torn apart I really was.

And all it took was one beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they never noticed how broken I really was.

I took a long hard look in the mirror to see if the person looking back at me was who I really wanted to be. This broken, fragile, used girl who had nothing but one close friend and broken shards for a heart.

Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I've cried in my room when nobody was watching. Nobody knows how many times I've lost hope, how many times I've been let down. Nobody knows how many times I felt like I was about to snap, but I just don't, for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head when I'm sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody. Knows. Me.

"Ric? What the hell are you doing in there?!" He shouted at me from outside the bathroom door.

My tears flowed freely, uncontrollably trailing my cheeks as they spoke the feelings words couldn't describe.

Love happens in the blink of an eye. One minute your heart is yours, the next minute it belongs to someone you never wanted to give it to. There is no transition, no earning on his part. Just foolish trust and hope for a future full of happiness and emotional fulfilment. As much as we all hope for a happy ever after, life doesn't work that way because love is a bïtch.

"Go away." I whimpered, trying my best to sound like I was okay but my cracked throaty voice filled the room in absence of my authority.

The girl who seemed unbreakable broke. The girl who always laughed, cried. The girl that never stopped trying, gave up.

He opened the unlocked door as I wiped away my tears and made his way across to me as he pulled me into a hug.

"I'm fine." I stepped back, shaking my head and smiling. "Just had a weak moment."

"Don't you dare lie to me." He spoke, planting a kiss on my head. My fake smile dropped as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"I can't do this anymore." I whispered.

He'd come back for me. After the call, I had excused myself to the bathroom but I had never picked up. I let it ring until the sound blended into the background and the darkness seeped in. Curling around me like untameable hands, so much like his. So much like the time I couldn't do anything for myself. My reflection only showed me how weak I was.

"What were you doing?" He asked, taking a step back as he looked at the glass sprayed across the floor, each piece reminding me of what a mess I looked like.

"Destroying what destroys me." I replied. I was my own demon. I was me and if I didn't exist, maybe just maybe ... Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?

He looked down at me, his eyes concerned and frustrated as he gently shook me. "It's time you realise you're worth a hell of a lot more than you think."

That's not what I meant. Sometimes it's better to keep silent than to tell someone how you feel because it comes to hurt badly when you know they can hear you, but cannot understand.