Tomboy

#21. Stolen Love

Axel

"You're so naïve. If you saw all the other shit you wouldn't be suprised I wound up in hospital."

She looked so hurt yet I couldn't bring myself around to feel empathetic. I knew that I was wrong yet I had suspicions and assumptions.

"What if I don't want to see all the other shit, Ric? What if I've had enough of all this bullshit?" I said. "What if-"

"Then step away from the bullshit, Ax. Step away from it because I'm fighting through this for you anyway." And she walked out, leaving me feeling guilty and gut wrenched.

Because I'm fighting through this for you anyway.

She didn't give me time to respond but instead walked out. Why was I even trying with her? Why was I putting myself through all this trouble for all this heartbreak because it truly didn't feel worth it.

It was only this morning I felt like I had the world in my hands, it was only this afternoon I felt like I was flying through the breeze, it was only tonight that I felt like catching all the stars for this one girl who had left me in a daze.

It was only today that I lost her again, it was only today that I felt so ashen, it was only today that I wanted to be drunk, to be gone, to be lost because of this one girl who had left me in a daze.

I held my head in my hands, my mind spinning and drowning in emotions i never knew existed. She was like water in my hands, so special yet so easy to lose. She kept me alive and without her I wouldn't have survived.

The door creaked open and in stepped Milo, his eyes seemed to read me through and through, his expression so emotionless I didn't know what to expect.

"You hurt her." He told me and I couldn't hold his gaze any longer, I just shut my eyes and diverted them to my lap.

"She's been here less than a week and already I've seen her cry more times than I have for the past three years."
His words cut deep, his voice low and monotone, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the wall.

"So tell me Ax, where the hell does that put you on my man worthy list for Ric because trust me, it ain't that high."

Still I did not reply, I let his words sink in, let his steady voice assure me of how much I fucked up.

"I had higher expectations from a man such as you, but I should've known from the time I met you at the coffee shop Axel. Ric may come off as a strong girl which she is but she's still human."

"And so am I!" I yelled, I couldn't take it anymore. All these high expectations everybody had of me. I couldn't keep up. My mum, my dad, Cash, the guys, Lyric and now Milo. "I'm human too, just not many people see it."

I looked up at Milo, his eyes searched mine for a sign of a fib, but there was none for I was being earnest.

"Do you know what that was?" He asked, "The message?"

I shrugged.

"It was a threat. Along with many others."

My heart stopped at his words and I cringed, feeling so guilty of my actions toward her. She hadn't trusted me and she had good reason for it. She hadn't talked to me seriously before, never will now.

I hurt as much as I hurt her. I just never knew which part hurt. It was like a dull ache inside to show me what I was feeling was real.

Maybe she wasn't right. Maybe I hope too much. Maybe I dream too much. But at least i wont give up until I've tried. And I won't regret anything... except the words I've said.