Tomboy

#11. Hidden Wounds

Not edited! :) sorry for late update!
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Lyric

Atelphobia; the fear of not being good enough.

He was irritating and a narcissist. He was inconsiderate and a royal pain in the ass. Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. People like him push you to your limits, but when you explode and fight back... you're the mean one. People like him are like clouds, once they disappear, it's a beautiful day. The best! Like me! I could go on and on.. but there realy was no point. He was annoying as hell! And I couldn't give a continental what he did. Not even. Nope. I wouldn't, no, couldn't care less if he did it with Amber, but I'd expected more from her.

But maybe it was just me. Maybe I expected too much from people only to realise that maybe I wasn't worth even considering. Maybe it was my fault for not being who people wanted?

I fell against my bed. Aching from all sides. I couldn't do this, not by myself anyway. My mother wasn't here for me, my dad might as well not be here either as he couldn't really help and my sister... My sister had everything. She wouldn't understand. The only person that ever understood me was Milo and he wasn't here either.

But maybe it was me? Maybe I made him do this to me? Maybe I wasn't good enough for whoever ra.. I couldn't think the word, let alone say it. But maybe whoever it was didn't think I was good enough to be in a relationship with.

I wanted to go for a run or let it out on the punching bag like I used to do back in Green Lake. But I didn't have a punching bag and even if I did, I couldn't punch anything. My arms hurt, hell my whole body hurt.

I'd go for a walk. Yes. Good idea, right?

Running would hurt me and punching would too, I survived walking to and from school, then that meant I could survive a stress relieving walk to the nearby park and back.

The park.

The place I had intended to go, before... That thing happened.

Suddenly everything felt like it was becoming dark and I began breathing heavily, my chest inflating and deflating. I felt like it was all closing in. The worries, Axel, the guy. Everything. It was like a a weight was put upon me as my breathing grew rapid as I rolled off the bed. Sweat beading down the sides of my face. My hair beginning to cling to me. What was happening to me? Images began to flash behind my closed eyes. The dark alleyway. The green of the park just a few meters away. The two men loudly arguing! The man breathing down my neck! The heat!

I stripped myself of my jacket and shirt, leaving myself in only my singlet and bra. Still I felt the heat radiating strongly, my singlet dampening. Suffocating me. Strangled noises escaped my lips as I remembered the torturous feeling of him feeling me up. I writhed against the floor, struggling to get the feeling of his touch completely off me.

"No stop! Stop!" I yelled. "Help me. Please." I then begged.

I felt ancient by the time I heard a sound. "Lyric!" Someone called. "Lyric!" But there voice came from a distance, their voice was irrelevant compared to the chills that were currently running down my spine. I felt both heat and cold as I struggled. The instant flashes of that night. The fact that the park was so close yet so far.

"Breathe Lyric! Breathe!" Called a gruff voice.

But I couldn't. I was choking up, my back bucking up in hopes for more air as I frantically rolled around.

"Lyric!" Now the voice was feminine. Soft. Ava.

The words he whispered to me.

"God made you. Especially for me.