How To Love

118

Omniscient pov

"Amira Alice Rue Gaulden" the nurse said,holding the child out.

His arms tremble slightly as the nurse placed the small baby into his arms. He bounces her lightly,trying to make sure she's comfortable. All the chaos and anger slipped out his mind as he held his daughter.

"Hey pretty girl." He said watching her stare up at him.

"For a preemie baby she's doing very well." The nurse said.

Hearing a yawn from behind him,he turned around slowly seeing Jalanee wake up. He kissed the baby repeatedly and hands her back over to the nurse,who placed her back into the small bed.

He got closer to her side,helping her sit up. Stress begins to re-enter his veins and he feels weak just looking at her. She opens up her bloodshot eyes,and they softened looking at him.

"I'm sorry." She said breaking down crying. He feels a tear of his own roll down his face,becoming angrier and angrier with himself. He wishes he could've did more. He wished he locked the door or at-least never went  went out,what made it worse was that he lied about where he was going. He knew if he told her the truth,she would've talked him into staying home.

He meets Jalanee's gaze with a gulp and clenched his fists.

"This not on you." He said shaking his head. He got into the bed,and held her tightly as he silently cried. "I ain't have to go out tonight. I fucked up."

"Kentrell, Amir is gone." She said. Hearing her call their son by name made him feel worse. "Baby he's gone." As tears flowed from her eyes.

"What happened to you?" His eyes met back with her,as she cleared her throat. He noticed that she got uncomfortable and felt the goosebumps on her arm,under his fingertips.

"I'm gon get her." He said as his hands started shaking. "I'm gon kill her. I hate that hoe with every bone in my body." He gritted through his teeth. His blood started to boil just thinking about the situation again.

"Just stop..I don't want anymore violence around me Kentrell. I can't deal with it anymore" She said sniffling. "It seems like every-time we hurt someone,it just comes back to bite us."

"You right..you right." He repeated to himself,rubbing on her body. In his mind,he still wanted to hurt Jania badly,for taking away the one thing that couldn't be replaced or brought back. He was going to get his revenge either way.

He didn't know what to say or what do as they both cried into each other arms.

"I could see him?" He asked.

She shrugged and wiped her tears. "Ask the nurse. Baby,he was struggling. It was so bad." She said as her eye stung with more tears. "He couldn't even breathe on his own." Her chest started bracing up and down as she couldn't control her crying. "He just turned so blue.  I couldn't do anything."

He didn't know what to say. He felt like this was all his fault,and couldn't handle seeing her cry because of something he caused. He ran his thumb over her cheek,listening to her silent cries.

Losing another child with her,cut him deep. And he didn't even know where to start on how to recover. With everything he been through with her,he always wanted to prevent his past from messing with her.

"This fucked up." He said looking down at his hands. He looked down at the gown she was wearing,seeing her stomach size went down.

"Kentrell?"

"Hmm?" He asked as he turned to look at his daughter.

"Are we going to be okay?" Her voice cracked as she spoke. He,himself couldn't answer the question. he suffered one to many losses,and knew he wouldn't be okay himself.

"Ion know ma." He asked walking over to Amira,who small eyes looked up at his.

"I named her Amira Alice Rue Gaulden...after your grandma. I'm sorry I named her without you here." She said.

"Youn gotta apologize for nun." He said sniffling.

"Sir are you ready to see the baby boy?" The nurse said. Kentrell nodded and looked back at Jalanee. He walked over to her bed side and reached over to plant a kiss on her cheek,and looking at her blank face.

He followed the nurse out of the room,as he took her to the lower floors of the hospital,where the deceased stayed.

He stepped into the room with a shaky breath. The sealed body bag's tag read "Amiri Kaison Gaulden". The lady unzipped the bag,revealing a pale lifeless baby. The lack of skin color,let Kentrell know the baby been dead for a few hours. His heart dropped,trying to stay in reality. His son was dead.

The hairs on his neck nose up. "I'll be back in 15." The nurse said closing the door behind her. His eyes traced back to the dry blue lips on the newborn.

"I hope you in a better place Slime." That was all he could say as he was folding his hands together and hovering over the body. This took him back to the night his grandma died in the hospital. He was too young to understand at the time what was going on with her.

"I done lost two of y'all already." He chuckled,feeling emotionless. "When this shit gon end?"

A grin came on his face seeing the tiny features of his,displayed on his son face. "I love yo mama like crazy. This ain't how shit was supposed to go." He said swallowing the ball of salvia stuck in his throat.

His emotional were all over the place and he didn't know whether or not to be angry or sad. He wanted his son in Jalanee's arms,taking all their pain away but that simply couldn't. He thought about Jalanee's words. Every-time they hurt someone,it comes back to bite them. However He didn't care. This was something he simply couldn't let go away,especially since he blamed himself for Jalanee being in the hospital and hurting both of his kids.

"Just when shit got good." He whispered,as a single tear dropped.

"This shit cool though. I'm gon have blood on my hands bout you." He said to himself.

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