Jisoo's POV
"I'm sorry," I kept repeating those words while crying. My best friend that I have missed so much is here with me but I lost my other companion.
Tahimik lang si Jinyoung habang nakayakap ako sa kanya. Hindi ko man aminin sa sarili ko, aware ako kung gaano kalaki ang nagbago nang magsimula kaming hindi mag-usap.
I may be distracted by Taehyung and my other friends but in my mind and heart, there's this strong longing for Jinyoung Park that sometimes keeps me awake at night. May ganun ka talaga sigurong kaibigan. Yung kapag nawala, mahihirapan ka talagang tanggapin.
Akala ko naibuhos ko na lahat ng luha ko kanina. It was harder for Ate Chaewon because Gum² was her first ever friend. Even Kuya Jin cried with us. Alam naman naming dadating talaga ang panahon na mawawala si Gummy pero hindi parin kami handa. Ang bigat sa puso na magmula ngayon, hindi ko na maririnig ang tahol niya at hindi na niya ako masasalubong tuwing uuwi ako sa bahay. Ang sakit.
"Ice cream?"
Para akong ewan na mas lalong naiyak. "Gago, namiss kita." At this point, I'm practically bawling.
He smiled like how Kuya Jin smiles at me when I feel upset. Ang kaibahan lang, mang-aasar muna si kuya bago ako papatahanin. Jinyoung's like a second brother to me. That's why when he confessed, I did not know what's the right thing to do because I was scared to lose him permanently.
"I'm sorry..." I wailed. It took a few minutes again before I calmed down.
"Gago, ang panget mong umiyak." Pareho kaming natawa sa sinabi niya. Both our laughter died down and I sensed that it was time for THE TALK.
"Magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong okay lang. But you know what, I actually knew that it's going to end up like this. Alam kong isa kang dakilang manhid kaya gets ko pa sana kung hindi mo talaga alam. Kaso sa dami ng beses na nagparinig ako sa'yo, the way you ignore or changed the topic every single time already gave me the answer." For the first time in almost four years, I acknowledged the hidden emotion in Jinyoung's voice.
"Did you know that it was the confession I planned to sent you the night before our graduation? Kasi di ko talaga kayang sabihin face to face dahil baka mahimatay ako bigla. Kaya lang nilamon ako ng takot kaya 'di ko na naman tinuloy. Katulad ng card nung grade 9 tayo, nung labing-limang tula na ginawa ko para sa 15th birthday mo nung grade 10 at sa roses na ako pa mismo ang nagtanim nung sixteenth birthday mo sa grade 11. Kung nabasa mo sana yun ng mas maaga, one year na sana tayo ngayon. Kung nabigay ko sana yun lahat sa tamang oras, may magbabago ba Chi?"
I couldn't say a word. I don't want to. I can't when I know that even a sound from me can hurt him. No, I'm afraid nothing will change.
The corners of his lips stretched and his shoulders started shaking. "Alam ko rin yun," he said. Nakatingala siya habang tumatawa, he kept blinking. I looked away to wipe the new batch of tears wanting to fall.
"Wala. Wala talaga." Binigyan niya ng boses ang mga salitang nasa utak ko ngayon. I counted the seconds passing by and after eleven, he spoke again.
"Ice cream?"
