despise - negan x reader

chapter xxiii - move

as he showers, i stand and find my balance before stripping the bed. if i had to stay in here, there would at least be clean sheets.

by the time i'm done and sitting back on the bed, he's done with his shower and dressed. "i told you not to move."

"you don't tell me what to do," i say with the same attitude he had.

"jesus christ," he holds his head, "i really don't want to argue."

"too bad. i don't want to either but i wanna know why you think you can control who i talk to. if i wanna have brandon as my friend, he can be."

"because it was either that or kill him. i'm the boss and you are my wife. you didn't want me to hurt him, so i didn't."

"it's not fair negan, i'm the one that did that. not him. he only came with me because i asked. if you want to be mad at someone be mad at me. leave him out of it."

"i don't want to be mad at anyone, i want everyone to follow the rules. dear god, if i'd just let you two go off and come back as if it were nothing, everyone else would stop following the rules too. i'm trying to lead here, y/n, i can't just let it slide. so he spent two days in a cell and can't talk to you. he's my fucking assistant now, he does every little thing i want him to do. that is how he lives," he turns to the window, "you're just going to have to be okay with it."

i sigh, "fine."

"fine?" he turns around, "i thought you'd fight me on that."

"there's not much i can do about it, is there?"

he sits down beside me, "so are you still mad at me?"

"no, i guess not."

"good, then i guess i'll do this," he turns my head to his, kissing me intensely. he pulls back, "how about now? you still mad at me?"

"nope," i pop the 'p'. he smiles down at me before doing it again.

he pulls away, seeming to regret his decision, "i'm sorry. i don't want to make you remember him. god, i didn't even think about that. i'm so sorry. fuck."

"you didn't, it's okay. really."

"don't let me make you uncomfortable, baby. i won't be mad or anything if you are, just tell me, okay?"

"okay," i smile slightly at him.

"how do you feel?"

"a little drugged."

he chuckles, "well, we gotta go see carson if he's done by now," he looks back at the clock.

"what happened out there?"

"too many walkers on one side, it fell in. seems our guards aren't doing too good of a job, simon's gonna fix that. one guy got bit on his arm, but other than that we didn't lose anyone."

"that's good," my voice trails off, i know the next question i have to ask is gonna hurt, "i have one more question."

"what, baby?"

"what did you do to...him?" i visibly shiver at the thought of him. my skin turns ice cold as goosebumps form.

"do you really want to know?"

"yes," i say as i brace for what he'd say.

"he died a long, painful, agonizing death. he was fed to the walkers after i - well, we. few other guys helped - beat the shit out of him. he's gone baby," he pulls me closer to him, avoiding my injuries and lightly kisses my head.

i finally breathe, clutching my chest. "he's not coming back?" my voice is shaky as i tremble in his hold.

he turns me to him, holding my face in his hands, "he's not coming back. i won't let anyone hurt you ever again."