Hermitcraft oneshots and other random stuff

Etho smells like Beef? (Beetho)

Fandom: Hermitcraft

Romantic: Y  e  s

I have temporarily paused my unintended hiatus to throw this at you. Enjoy this drabble-oneshot-low-effort thing? It was inspired by a conversation on Baguettes_cool 's board that originated from the question what Beef smells like. Some of the stuff brought up here is taken word-for-word from the conversation so I'd look at it! People involved were: Baguettes_cool , captainmarra1099 , sixth_bright_shiner , and of course myself. Also, luck is really on my side cause DakotahWinters requested some Beetho :D

"Welcome one and all to yet another I-am-bored meeting." Grian exclaimed. "Whatever shall we do today?"

"I dunno. That's why I came to this meeting?" Impulse said hesitantly, and Grian nodded. 

"Ah, right. Xisuma, any ideas?" 

"Ehm, not really?" The pink admin shrugged. There were only three people at this impromptu meeting: they were the only ones on the Hermitcraft server and didn't really have anything to do. "I'm done with what I planned for today and don't know what to do now."

"Well... okay. I have one idea, why don't we start a useless argument?"

"You mean, the same kind of useless arguments that you start wars about?"

"Yes, exactly! Hm, one question has been bugging me since the end of season 7. Since Etho smells like Beef, what does Beef smell like? Would it be, like, podzol? And if Beef smells like podzol, does he also smell like poop since podzol kinda looks like poop?" Grian hummed. "I haven't really been around podzol so I wouldn't know. And Etho definitely smells like something, but I can't tell what because it's sort of faint. And  Beef smells like the same sort of something but I didn't pay attention because that would be weird."

Xisuma tilted his head a bit. "Well, allow me to use my experience with gardening. I haven't been around podzol a lot either, but I've seen it. Podzol, when you look at it, Podzol, seems to have a mix of soil and biodegradable materials, which are the orange and green bits. And so, it would probably smell like composting materials or fertilizer which, in my opinion, smells like poop. Therefore, Beef would smell like poop. However this is all dependent upon whether Beef actually smells like podzol."

Impulse leaned forward slightly and said, "Well, that's very true, but what if he smells like diorite? He does use it a lot in building. But maybe Iskall wouldn't have wanted to hang out with Etho this season if he smells like diorite."

"That's true, maybe he smells like that or some other type of stone. Wait, Beef has blood on his clothes, maybe that's what he smells like!" Grian gasped. 

"Are we sure it's blood, or is it just paint? If it's paint then does he smell like paint??" Xisuma rested his head on his hand.

"Oh, that's true- on a completely unrelated note, is Beef part cow? Or like, made of beef?"

"I hope not, I've seen him eat steak. It would be concerning if he is. But back on topic, we haven't actually addressed an obvious question: Why does Etho smell like Beef?" Impulse realized.

"Oh- wait I have no clue... so many questions, so little answers." Grian sighed and tapped his fingers on the table. The other two nodded, boredom completely forgotten. This investigation was interesting enough to distract them from it. 

"Maybe we should just ask him? Is he online, or..." Xisuma took a quick glance at his communicator and his eyes widened. "He is!"

Grian was already running off into the distance. "What are we waiting for, let's go!"

"We don't know where he is, though." Impulse pointed out.

"Ah, true."

-

After messaging Etho and asking if he was up for a few questions from the trio, they had found the ninja.

"Hey guys!" He said cheerfully.

Grian arched an eyebrow and said, "Hello Etho... if that is your real name."

"Uhh... well alright. So, what kinda questions do you have for me?"

Impulse stepped up. "Well, our first question is: Do you know that you smell like VintageBeef?"

He chuckled. "Oh yeah, I saw that sentence in the jungle last season."

"Well alright." Xisuma nodded. "What does Beef smell like, then?"

"He smells like, well, Beef I guess. I dunno, I've kinda become noseblind to it cause I've spent so much time around him. But whatever it is, it's pleasant." Etho shrugged. Xisuma, Grian, and Impulse shared a glance and mentally crossed off the possibility of Beef smelling like podzol and poop. After all, they could smell Etho right then and he didn't smell all too bad, but the scent wasn't really identifiable. 

"Alright, final question." Grian paused to stare Etho in the eye. "Why do you smell like Beef?"

Etho seemed surprised at the question. It was rather hard to tell because of the mask, but he might have been blushing. "Ehm, I don't really know?" 

The trio wasn't satisfied with this answer at all, and Etho quickly backtracked. "Er, I mean, I'm not sure but maybe it's because we used to spend so much time together? Like Team Canada and Mindcrack and stuff?"

"That doesn't add up. A scent wouldn't last that long." Grian narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

Etho thought for a moment. "Well yes, but what I meant was that we spent so much time together that maybe our habits sorta merged. Like what we eat or our hygiene habits or even our shampoo choices. And that would lead to us having similar scents." 

Impulse quietly ohh'd and Xisuma nodded, seemingly accepting this answer. 

"Well it does make sense. They have been good friends for quite some time." Grian hummed like a villager. "Alright Etho, we'll leave you alone. For now." They slunk away while still watching the ninja. 

Etho let out a small sigh once they finally disappeared, slipping off his mask so he could breathe properly. "That was a close one," He whispered. "They almost figured it out."

Beef popped his head out of the bush he was hiding in and smiled. "You handled it well." He approached the other and wrapped his arms around Etho's waist. 

"Thanks, but not really. We should tell them, though. It's been such a long time." He melted into Beef's arms with a soft exhale. 

Beef kissed his boyfriend's cheek. "Maybe someday. But for now, our cuddles shall remain private." 

Etho snorted as Beef walked them both towards the base they'd been curled up in before the three detectives had interrupted them. "Yeah- I dunno how they even bought my excuse. They seriously believed that our habits merged? Even if they did, I don't think we'd have the same scent."

"Right." Beef said in an amused tone, settling down in the base and holding Etho close. 

"Anyways, where were we? I think we were talking about arctic foxes..." The two snuggled close together. One day, the hermits would figure out that Etho smelled like Beef because they cuddled together each evening. Until then, the two lovers would keep being lovers in secret.