I Might Set Fire to This Later

School.

July 27th 2021

I don't know who to be mad at for making me endure 12 long years of school.

I know it doesn't sound so bad and maybe I am overreacting but do you know how hard it is to keep going after 12 years of your brain being consciously and subconsciously attacked every day and only getting a short lived break over the summer?

If you think I'm overreacting then it's obvious you don't know what it's like.

The only things I have held onto from school are disorders and mental issues that I never learned how to properly treat.

I have developed separation anxiety from my first day of preschool. Of course I cant remember it but the feeling of having to see my parents leave and not knowing why is still overbearing.

In elementary school I had my first panic attack at 10 years old. I then learned that no one is really there to help you. They're there to get paid. They don't care about you like your parents always told you they did.

Humans only ever care about themselves. That's what I have learned from elementary school.

In middle school I could barely stand up to go to my next class because I was overwhelmingly dizzy. I had to push through it because "I wouldn't want to be late to class, there's only 2 minutes to walk up three flights of stairs" "maybe you should drink more water?" I also learned that I should never stop being friends with a manipulative bitch because she will turn all your best friends and people you are supposed to love against you. Now you view everyone around you the way she does and you can't make it stop.

In high school I learned nothing. I was too tired to care anymore. I would wake up and would want to cry but wouldn't be able to. Please don't tell me my experiences aren't so bad because I wasn't viciously bullied or beat up after school or anything like that.

My experiences might not be so bad but minor things like these add up. That's what I have learned in my 12 long years of harassment to my brain.

Nothing can take those experiences back.
That's the worst part so now I just have to live with that anger and fear that has been building up since preschool.

Since I left my parents side for the first time, not knowing why or what was happening.

I never knew that that one experience would lead to this but there's nothing you could do now.