Photographs of Her

Wakas

There have been days that I would stay up all night, and wake up feeling so empty. Missing all of the important persons of my life.

Being away from them wasn't easy, chasing your dream and establishing a fine goal while you're a wreck deep inside.

Questions didn't stop coming through my head, wondering the possibilities of what if's,

What if I didn't left?

What if I forgive him?

What if I tried to understand him?

But our love was naïve back then. Why would an 18 year-old heiress of one of the richest family be in favor of being cheated on?

Why should I be the one to adjust when they did an unjust thing to me?

Through the years, I've been independent, and alone. When I was in Germany, all I did was to read through medical books, go to class, go home.

Yes, there are lots and lots of gentlemen around me, but still. I craved and longed for his warmth and love.

There was a time when I accidentally saw him on the mall in an arcade, by the looks of him he wanted to approach me but being the coward I am, I immediately walked away.

Just like what happened when we accidentally met in a restaurant. Sometimes I just want to spank myself just to punish her, because why walk away when I can just face him and show him that I am at my greatest, healed and fine state.

Parang gusto ko pa atang magmakaawa noon, nang makita ko siya. Pakigulo ulit ang buhay ko Kendrick, kapag ikaw we can talk about it naman.

Natatakot kasi ako, na baka kapag kinausap nya ako, bumigay ulit ako. Na baka isang sorry lang nya mawalan ng kapasahan ang paglayo ko ng ilang taon.

I would never forget the day I saw him for the first time again after years, hindi ko mapigilan ang pagkumpara ng itsura nya noon at ngayon.

Kung noon he was always on his soccer uniform, sporting his hot smirk, and smiling so wide on his every goal, and at the end of his game his arms will always be wrapped around me.

He grew, he matured and he changed. His words are cruel so as his mindset.

"Don't you think that is a little bit childish Ms. Alegre? Putting playground inside the hospital? What are you envisioning? A fun hospital?" He got me so irritated and offended from what he said.

What I wish to have for kids who're suffering is that for them to feel normal like other kids too.

Because being I a hospital scary, you never know what will happen, so as a doctor I want children to be happy and free, kahit na nasa hospital sila at kahit pa may sakit sila.

I love seeing how small things can cheer them up and give a smile on their face.

And just like that, my anger and hatred for him melted. Just by his kisses, I melted.

"No matter how much you've hurt me, no matter how long it is that I've been away from you. No matter how far I was from you..."

"It's still you that I want to love the most." I said while crying on his chest.

A howl of our baby's cry woke me up, just as when I was about to reach our daughter, Kendrick stopped me and whispered.

"Ako na. Just continue sleeping."

Narinig ko pa ang maliliit niyang bulong kay Kaela, bago ito tumigil pag-iyak.

"Shh. Let Mommy sleep my love, she's always tired."

And Kaela stopped crying just like that, nagising nalang ako ng maramdaman ko ang maliliit na kamay na umaabot sa mukha ko.

I smiled immediately when I saw Kaela smiling too while touching my face. Lumipat ang tingin ko kay Kendrick na natutulog.

"Goodmorning, my princess." My six-month old Kaela Serene giggled loudly when I put the tip of my nose on her nose.

Unti-unti naring nagising si Kendrick, kahit na nakapikit ay pilit nya parin kaming sinakop ni Kaela ng yakap, Kaela giggled making us laugh.

Our simple morning started like that, happy and cheerful Kaela, is a happy memorable moment for us.

"Aww, my apo is very cute." Kinikilig na sambit ni Mami ng makitang buhat ni Kendrick si Kaela.

She's just 6 months old, pero habang tumatagal ay may lumilinaw ang mga features na nakuha nya mula saamin.

Shockingly, her eyes are blue just like mine, but it's color changes when sunlight struck her eyes.

She's wearing a very cute red checkered skirt and a white shirt, dressing her up and picking clothes for her is the most enjoyable thing for me to do as her mother.

Ginagawa ko siyang manika.

Today is Nigel's 1st birthday, Kendrick and Kaela went ahead to hand over the toy car vehicle we ordered overseas for him, Kendrick also made it pre-customized with Nigel's name on the front and his surname on the plate number.

Nagsimula na ang party, Kaela started throwing tantrums. Ayaw talaga niya sa maiingay, napatingin ako sa kabilang table kung nasaan si Shore at Keana. As always nag-aasaran nanaman sila.

I saw Kendrick having fun with his friends, mukhang naramdaman nyang nakatingin ako sakanya dahil nilingon nya ako.

I signalled him to continue having fun, but he did the opposite, he walked towards my direction.

"Why did you left the table?" I asked him immediately.

Agad ko namang naramdaman ang pagsikop nya sa bewang ko, napatingin sya kay Kaela tulog na tulog na sa mga braso ko.

"She's really beautiful just like you," he said and planted soft forehead kisses to Kaela and I.

Paulit-ulit at pabalik balik ang tingin niya kay Kaela at saakin, na tila ba kahit araw araw na nyang nakikita ang mukha nito ay hindi siya magsasawang tingnan at sauluhin.

Kaela's distinct features vividly sketched us two awhole. Para bang isang tingin lang ng mga tao sakaniya ay malalaman na anak namin siya ni Kendrick.

I held Kendrick's face and planted a kiss on his lips. After our short kiss, he then again planted a kiss on our daughter's forehead.

I smiled and stared at them lovingly.

With Kendrick and Kaela Serene on my arms, no amount of wealth can replace them, because with them I found the serene calmness and home.

After all that have happened, after all the circumstances that we've been, after all the sacrifices we've made. After the gloomy season of my life, I've got the love that I deserve.

Finally. I found home, with him.