This is so funny to write because I don't even know how to make parents sound mean so I hope I have succeeded (my computer just tried to correct that to seceeded??????)
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"Ashley!"
"How have you been?"
"Well, if you've heard anything you know how i've been." I said, bringing Andrew over.
"Mom, Dad, Ashley, this is my fiancé Andrew."
"It's nice to meet you." He said, shaking their hands.
"And you as well." My mom replied.
"You have big hands." My dad added.
"That's correct." Andrew inspected his hands briefly.
The conversation stopped after that.
"Let's make breakfast!" I said, breaking the silence.
Andrew and my parents sat down at the table while Ashley followed me into the kitchen.
"So Casey" She grinned.
"What?" I laughed.
"He's cute."
"And engaged. To me. What happened to your boyfriend?" I asked, taking toast out of the toaster and putting some bacon on a plate.
"We broke up. Well-- he broke up with me. Via TEXT."
"He wasn't even worth it, sista."
"I hear you. How's Katie doing?"
"As stupid as this sounds, she became un-mute. And she has a boyfriend."
"Ooh what is he like?"
"He's nice. He's one of Andrew's band mates, actually."
"They have a band? What's it called?"
"Fun. With a full stop."
"Interesting name. Are they any fun?"
"Please stop, and grab those eggs and bring them to the table."
I walked out of the kitchen, rolling my eyes as my parents asked Andrew question after question.
"Ever smoked?"
"No"
"Tattoos?"
"None"
"Ever gotten a girl pregnant?"
"Only your daughter."
I set the food down on the table.
"Yay! Food!" I said, successfully attempting to get my parents to stop questioning Andrew.
And at that exact moment, Nate walked in clearly wasted out of his mind. It was one of those moments that was so incredibly ridiculous that you just wanted to laugh. Obviously, I couldn't laugh. Andrew got up and talked to Nate, a conversation that I couldn't hear from the table.
"This is Nate." I said as he sat down at the table.
He waved. The rest of breakfast was dead silent. Thank god breakfast doesn't take long to eat.
"Well the first college tour starts in an hour, I guess we should start heading out. You know how to get there, right Casey?" My dad asked, checking the time on his blackberry.
"Yeah."
"Great. Let's get going."
And we headed out, leaving Nate behind to do whatever it was he did. We went to a bunch of colleges, my parents asking the tour guides questions when they weren't questioning Andrew and I. Lunch included my dad and Ashley on their phones while my mom decided to criticize every life decision i've ever made, starting at age 9. Some of these conversations included:
"You know, you never should have dropped skating. You could have gone far with that, no doubt about it. It's disappointing."
"I know, mom."
"I don't know why you stopped being friends with Elizabeth. She was such a nice girl. Did you hear that she's the head surgeon at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia? It would have been nice if you had decided to study something practical like that."
"Yes, you've told me."
"Manhattan is no place to raise a child."
"Okay, mom."
"It's really a shame that you don't go to church."
"Sorry."
"Hey mom, how about you lay off?" Ashley finally said without looking up from her phone.
"It's ok-" I started, but Ashley just held her hand up.
"Seriously, mom. She's an adult. Let her go."
My mom shut up, but glared at Ashley. The rest of lunch was silent. All I wanted to do was get back to the apartment and go to sleep.
