Love & Bullets (bucky barnes x oc)

21: The Evil Within

-One Week Later-

It's been one week since you last saw James. One week since you confessed your fear of him. As you sit on the couch with Romanoff, another tear falls down your cheek.

"You were discharged three days ago. What are you so upset about?"

"It's nothing..."

She nods, making sure not to pry. "Do you need to be alone?"

"Yes."

With that, she stands up and exits the room, leaving you alone to cry to yourself.

Deep down, you miss him. You want to feel his warmth. You want to feel protected by him. But ever since that night, you just can't see him the same way. All you can see is the blood on his knuckles as he slammed his fists into Don's face, bones cracking from underneath him. You shiver at the thought, as another tear falls onto your lap.

It scares you beyond measure to think about what would happen if you ever got into an argument with him. Would he hurt you? He swears he wouldn't, but after what you saw, you don't know what to believe. And now, it's been one week since you last saw him.

〄

James Buchanan Barnes

My fingers latch around the doorknob, twisting it open with one swift move. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her sitting on the couch, eyes wet from crying. My heart skips a beat.

All I can do is stare at her, adoring her incredibly attractive face, even as she cries. She stands up to leave, but I reach for her wrist just in time. She jumps and whimpers under my hold, but I keep my fingers wrapped around her wrist anyway.

"Alexandra, please let me explain."

"What is there to explain? I saw what you did. I told you how I felt. Then you left."

That voice.

She somehow manages to turn away from me, so I take a cautious step towards her. She tries to back away, but I have her cornered against the wall. Her chest rises and falls with each of her shaky breaths, but I need her to know I won't hurt her. I hold out my hand for her to take, but she simply stares at it.

"Will you let me explain?"

She looks up at me through her tiny, quivering body. She nods her head slowly before scurrying to the couch, sitting a few feet away from me out of pure fear.

"Alexandra. Do you know how I felt when I first saw the video?"

"No..."

"I was fucking scared. Seeing you like that... It broke my heart. Hearing you cry, seeing you whimper, knowing he  was the one behind it all. It fucking scared me. I didn't know what he would do. All I knew was that I had to find you... And kill him."

She shudders at the words, and though I notice, I continue anyway, pushing through the darkest moments of that fateful evening. It takes all the strength I have not to slam my fists into the coffee table in pure hatred at what he did to her, but I manage.

"When we got to the warehouse, you were barely alive. God, I remember it all. The blood all over the floor, dripping down your neck, your head slumped over. But Alexandra. I remember his smile. His evil fucking smile. It was like he didn't give a shit that he had hurt you for so long. I had to do something... I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I didn't."

There's a long pause before she breaks the silence with her shaky voice. 

"So you beat him to a fucking pulp. Until he died."

"Alexandra, I had to. He hurt you so much. He took advantage  of you. I couldn't let him get away with that. You would do the same for anyone else, I know you would."

"I would at least show mercy, James. I wouldn't have done it in front of his survivor. That's the difference between us, and that's something you will never understand."

Her words hit me like bullets. She doesn't understand. How can she not understand? I did it all for her, every bit of it. Why is she being like this?

"You say you do it to protect me, James. But at what cost?! You destroy others and  yourself, frankly, to protect me. I-"

She pauses, as if to prepare us both for what comes next.

"I can't be with you if you are like this. I can't be with someone I don't recognize!"

That's when I make the decision. I would rather she hate me for the rest of her life than to get hurt again. I would rather she despise every ounce of me than to be unprotected, away from me. As selfish as it is, I can't let her leave. Not just because of her story, but because of who she is. It would destroy me.

Though I may not be fully sane, she makes me want to try and be normal. I need her in my life. So she will stay, whether she likes it or not. She will be mine.

"James, you have to let me go-"

"I don't have to do shit. You are going to stay here, whether you like it or not."

She takes a shaky step back, but I grab onto her arm, gripping firmly around her skin. She gasps at the sudden move, but I remember why I'm doing this in the first place: to protect her.

"Please, no... please!"

I ignore her begs and pleads and forcibly guide her into the guest bedroom. She digs her heels at the floor, but that doesn't stop me. The tears pour down her face, and yet, I can't seem to care. I should care. This woman has been through hell and back, and though I don't want her to cry, I know I must do this. For the both of us.

My hands shake as I press down on the lock, securing her in the bedroom. Of course, I won't do anything to her, but I need to ensure she stays. Her tiny hands slam against the door as she pleads for freedom. The freedom only I can grant her. Leaning my head against the cold door, I press my hand against the wood.

I'm here, bellezza. Don't be scared.

The weakness in her voice shatters me, and I walk away, unable to take any more of it. Tears stream down my cheeks as I remind myself why I am doing this. To protect her from all harm. To keep her safe from the evil that looms closer than she thinks.