Heartache | Jim Moriarty

Welcome

At the next morning i woke up to weird indie music or something. And only at five a.m. this time.

I was back late from the office, and Jim wasn't anywhere to be seen. But this, this was annoying.
Quickly changing into some normal clothes i made my way downstairs. Jim was lazily sitting on the couch with a laptop and two tablets, one of the music boxes close to him.
How could he possibly work like that ?!
"Jim." i yelled, running down the stairs but it seemed like he didn't hear me.
"Jim." and again , nothing.
He was to focused on his work.
"James!" he looked up startled, not expecting me to come down this early. "What the hell is this music?"

"Oh, it's meditation." he yelled back and grabbed one of the ipads to show me. He has to be kidding.
"That's not meditation. It's awful." and it cost money! A lot of money. "Can't believe he can work with that." i thought out loud and threw the ipad on the couch next to him.

"Just try to relax." Jim shouted after me when i made my way to the kitchen. There were ipads everywhere. I didn't want to know how many he owned. At least five lay around.
"Can i borrow one of your tablets?" if he had to listen to this mind breaking music i could at least watch a movie. Or read.
"Sure." nice.

I decided to listen to some music on my own, with my air pods of course and read some random book. It was nice, well, until a weird email popped up.
I accidentally clicked on it instead of swiping it away and saw that it were pictures. Pictures of dead persons but the bodies were cut open.
The mail was titled with "job finieshed"
Christ. What the hell was that? And who was this Spencer guy that send the email?

Without looking at the screen i made my way over to the couch and placed the thing in Jims lap. He got startled again but i couldn't wait to go back, grabbing an other ipad. This time i wouldn't click on the email, or whatever he received.

So getting back to my fruitloops and my playlist i tried to forget what i just saw. But after two spoon full of kornflakes i looked at the bowl and glasped a hand over my mouth. I definitly was about to vomit.
It only took a minute and thirty eight seconds until i run to the sink.
"And one would guess that you saw worse things in the army." Jim joked but there was no amusement in his voice.
"No, it just reminded me of something." trying to smile i went to the bathroom. This wasn't how i wanted to start my day. At all.

Back downstairs i noticed that the music was quieter and a new ipad with a blue cover was placed on the kitchen counter.
"It's save, no surprises." i berely nodded but sat back down, my breakfast forgotten.

Getting back to spotify i checked the playlist's. They were named after Days, moods and phases. There even was a depression and anxiety playlist.
All in All it was weirdly sad. So i decided to make my own.
I called it 'dancing with the dark' and added half of the the abba songs, lots of melanie martinez, and some happy dancy stuff i mostly listen to.
It was perfect.

After a while Jim decided to join me. He took the chair across from me and ordered meredith to make him breafast.
"What are you listening to?" Jim asked but i couldn't understand him. He had to repeat the question.
"Ever heard of bring me the horizon?" He shook his head so i offered him one of my ear pieces. I didn't miss his suspicious look.
After he finally took it i played Throne, not noticing the noise from upstairs..

"That's good. But a bit dramatic." Jim said but he still listened until someone used the doorbell. I've never heard it before.
"You waiting for someone?" i asked, he got up without answering.

Glancing around the corner i saw that a fancy looking man was discussing with Jim, the guy behind him, probably bodyguard, held a gun under his jacked.
Since when do such people use the front door?
"Just last week Mister Moran had to handle such a situation. It was a lot to clean." Meredith whispered but didn't make eye contact.
Her words gave me a weird feeling.
Because Sebastian wasn't here. And i wasn't sure if Jim could handle it himself.
Well, he probably couldn't. He was just the head of things, not a fighter.
And like he said, he didn't like to get his hands dirty.

Quietly rushing upstairs, i wanted to go to my room. But before i could enter  someone grabbed me around the neck.
It was way to early for this.
"Shut up or i'll kill you." The man snarled and pushed me into my room.
That was a mistake.

Grabbing his hand i pushed his arm back to get to my Wardrobe. But he grabbed me with the other around the waist and i dragged him to the ground.
I was fighting in shorts and a bloody tshirt for gods sake.

After some back and forth i finally managed to grab the blade Jim left and i stabbed him in the neck and broke his leg. To my embarassment it took two attempts to finally break it, because i was to small.
"Get up and i'll break your other leg too." i threatened and smashed his head against my bed.
This was bloody exhausting.

Getting up i saw that i was a bit covered in blood, but the yelling from downstairs didn't allow me to change.
Grabbing one more blade i silently checked the other rooms, expect Jims office of course and walked to the stairs.
Meredith left but Jim's nose was bleeding. The guy must've hit him.
"I don't like being lied to. And your pet isn't here to save your pathetic life. Make the deal!" i cringed when i saw that Jim was closing his eyes, a smirk plastered on his face. There was absolutely no fear.
"No thank you." the guy hit him again and again, pushing Jim against the wall.

Sighting i made my way downstairs, getting everyones attention. "Well, i guess you miscalculated." i said and gave them a disappointed look before i blocked the armed mans attack. He was really going to hit me in the face like a novice, so i stabbed him in the gut. It was to easy.

"Who's this?" the man yelled, smacking Jim again. This shit made me so angry that i accidentally stabbed to close to the left, right into the mans chest.
He would die if he didn't get treatment right away.
"It's good to have a friend, no?" Jim laughed and the guy pulled a pocket knive out of his jeans.

Without waiting for his move i kicked him in the back of his knee, making him fall. He struggled a great bit. There was zero expierience.
"I'm sorry." i gasped out when i punched him unconscious. "But i accidentally killed your friend." leaning back i glanced over my shoulder. Jim stood leaned against the wall and watched. Understanding my question he nodded.
I stabbed the pocket knive between the guys colar bones and finished.
"There is still one in my room. I'll just go and, you know." Taking the stairs twice i run inside my room and threw a blade at the exat same place like the last one.
It was a dirty move but one of the best.

"That wasn't in your file." Jim stated from behind me. I didn't notice him following. "How is it possible to kill three men with tiny blades you use for accuracy tests?"
His words caused me to draw my eyebrows together and I glanced down at the body.
The realisation that I did that, that I killed gave me a great shock. The adrenaline must've clouded my brain.

"I just killed people." i chocked and turned to look at Jim. His eyes were roaming over my blood covered clothes. It caused me to panick and without thinking i undressed, throwing the clothes into a corner. "I'm a murderer. A murderer." hyperventilating i rushed into my bathroom, Jim followed me slowly. "I killed the...with my hands." Washing my hands with to much soap, splashing water everywhere ,i started to cry. I felt so dirty.
"They were from the russian maffia, dealing with women." Jim said, stepping closer until half of his chest was touching my back. "They were murderer. You just protected us. It's a difference."

"I still killed them." I yelled. How could I do this ? This wasn't bloody Afghanistan, this was the real world and I would go to freaking Jail.
"You're safe here, no one will know. Okay? I'll call someone to clean this mess, you can shower in my room." pressing a hand to my back he shoved me out of the room, walking on the left so i don't have to see. It felt like a deja vu.

-

After the shower i locked myself in Jim's room, ignoring his knocks. I needed some time to think about what happened. And to figure out why i didn't feel guilty or anything.
All i felt was relief that neither of us died. And this was so wrong.

Knocking again after an hour Jim tried to enter, and i let him.
"It's clean, your room too but your clothes are in the bin."

"Yah , thanks."

Sighing silently he came in and took place in the chair that stood in the corner. None of us said a word until we locked eyes. It was a weird thing, because i couldn't look away. A perfect place to get lost.
"I thought they hurt you when i saw you were covered in blood." Jim confessed quietly."And i'm sorry that you had to do this."

His honesty shocked me deeply. This wasn't his natural behaviour but i saw in his eyes that he meant it, truly.
And it meant so much more to me. Because not many people would hear these words out of his mouth.
"It's fine. I just didn't expect such a thing to happen at six in the morning. Or at all. I'm just..- glad that you're okay." he nodded and smirked a little smile. It was such a weird situation that i started to laugh out of my belly. Like i said, I was the worst at coping bad situations.
"Can't believe i did that. And where did they even train?" i let myself fall into the bed to stretch. My body was hurting all over. "What a morning."

"What a morning indeed. What the fuck happened?" I quickly sat up when i heard Sebastians loud voice, and Jim did the same. Getting up from the chair he was smoothing his suit.
"Spencer texted me that Bartonov was seen on our doorstep and neither of you picked up. I had to finish the Job per hand." he was shouting the last words even louder, unhappy about the event.

"Well you're not the only one." Jim stated lazily and glanced through the room.
You could almost grab the tension.
"I'm just so glad that you're back." i mumbled and threw myself against his chest to hug him. He smelled of gunpowder and smoke, it was digusting but when he hugged me back i couldn't draw away.
"Yah yah, all together, yay. We need to talk downstairs, get ready." With that Jim shoved past us and left.

Sebastian went to his own room and i decided to follow Jim downstairs.

The living area looked like nothing ever happened and Meredith even finished her cooking. It felt like a lousy horror show.
"What about work?" Jim asked when i lay down on the second sofa. He just returned to his Ipads and Laptop.
"What?"

"It's almost eight." oh. I totally forgot about that. But i really couldn't go to work right now, Mycroft would notice that something is wrong. And the office...
"I..-don't want to. Maybe i'll call in sick."