When Kim Taehyung's fictional romance with his costar Jeon Jeongguk starts to feel more genuine than anything he accomplished in his entire acting career, he believes it shouldn't be a problem: after all, it's just acting.
But isn't it wrong to be...
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Jeongguk was avoiding him.
Well, he was avoiding him the best he could during filming. But that wasn't what bothered Taehyung. He didn't talk to him, didn't dare approach him during their breaks. Even when filming was over, Jeongguk didn't ask him to come over for dinner, and by the time Taehyung could ask someone where he went, he would find out Jeongguk went home without him.
He did this without a reason, but Taehyung knew he couldn't be sad about it.
After all, he knew he hurt Jeongguk the other day. Jeongguk didn't trust him. Hell, he didn't give him a reason to, so he supposed the distance Jeongguk was putting between them was something he deserved for being a liar. Jeongguk hated liars, and he tried to convince himself that Jeongguk hated him too just so he wouldn't dwell on it too much.
It honestly made it sting less whenever they did intimacy check-ins and spoke with their consent and chemistry coaches during rehearsals. Of course they gave it their all and wanted this movie to do well, but Taehyung's heart couldn't help ache regardless.
Whenever these scenes were done, Jeongguk would walk off like he didn't just kiss and touched him like a real lover would.
But this was for the best, right?
At least it made working easier. That was the only good thing that came out of Jeongguk pretending Taehyung didn't exist. There wasn't much to distract him, and the scenes he would falter in ran smoothly. Even Yoongi was impressed by his fine talent all over again, and the director was giving him all sorts of praises.
Those praises should have felt good.
But for some reason, Taehyung didn't bask in them like he usually did. They didn't make him feel whole, and it was strange. He always worked hard for them, taking every piece he could get to complete himself before the next project began and he was back to feeling empty when yet another script was handed his way.
Taehyung spent his entire career striving to fulfill every directors' expectations, and now, it didn't feel fulfilling at all.
Instead, what hurt more was when he would mess up and not because he would disappoint Yoongi, but the fact that he was alone. In the breaks they took after filming scenes, he realized Jeongguk wasn't there to take his hands in his and carefully bring them close to his mouth. He would tell him in that soft, lilting voice of his that he was kissing his worries away, and that things would be better next time.
"All you need to do is breathe and try again," was what Jeongguk always said before kissing the ridges of his knuckles and the inner side of his wrist with a smile on his own lips.
"I know you can do it."
Taehyung would roll his eyes and tell him to stop being so cheesy, but now, as he sat alone in between takes, studying his hands, he missed him. He missed having to swat him away right after, but mostly, he missed the intimacy, the delicate touches that never failed to deconstruct the worry building towers in his chest.
