When Kim Taehyung's fictional romance with his costar Jeon Jeongguk starts to feel more genuine than anything he accomplished in his entire acting career, he believes it shouldn't be a problem: after all, it's just acting.
But isn't it wrong to be...
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Taehyung only knew one thing the entire time he was in Seoul: he missed him.
Who knew that Taehyung would ever miss someone this badly. Missing Jeongguk only intensified since the last time he saw him. Everything made him miss him, and that loneliness he felt deep inside wasn't the same as getting ditched on a date or eating alone at a restaurant— he knew what he meant now.
Coming home to an empty house he barely recognized made his chest ache for the warmth and familiarity he found in Jeongguk's home. It didn't feel right going to Moonhee's, so he sought out his own. It had been a long time since he was actually in his apartment, and for some reason in its darkness, all the loneliness he carried inside of him amplified in weight.
All the conversations he had during the past few weeks were fleeting, meaningless. For the first time in his life, Taehyung realized how invisible you could be throughout the day, even if your life revolved around being filmed.
Sure, people acknowledged others but not everyone took the time to truly see somebody for what they are, for what they had to offer.
Nobody really saw him, and that loneliness in the end forced out everything he tried to fill himself with. It was incomplete, this feeling once you have felt it, and Taehyung just couldn't ignore it. How could he not?
But Taehyung knew he couldn't go back to him despite how every part of his soul ached to be reunited with his. The plane tickets that sat idly on his browser would be worthless to buy, and it wasn't because of Moonhee, or anything really.
It was more of the fact that Taehyung was a coward.
He knew something was wrong with him. Something wired in the back of his mind kept him from fully loving Jeongguk the way he wanted to, and so that would be unfair not only to Jeongguk but to himself. To love someone as beautifully imperfect as Jeon Jeongguk required a person who would match his jagged edges and somehow complete him.
Unfortunately, he was afraid he was a bit too broken, a bit too ruined to properly be the person he needed.
But it was hard to face it.
It was hard to get rid of the storm manifesting in his mind. It loomed over him from the time he woke up, sleepless yet again, to the moment Taehyung avoided going to bed by watching Jeongguk's films, scrambling to hold onto his essence because even if it was just a video of Jeongguk playing on the screen, watching him smile and hearing him speak breathed some sort of life back into him.
Although, he knew he wasn't enough for Jeongguk, and that he would never be.
Despite how messy everything was, Jeongguk was the only person he wanted to believe he truly deserved. Maybe even one day, Taehyung would be able to proudly call him his own, but he wasn't sure how to get there by himself.
