Transparent ☆ [The Maze Runner] Gally

Make My Choice

☆☆☆

A/N: Hey y'all! First of all, I would like to thank everyone for hitting 2K+ reads on this story, and secondly thank you all for getting this fic to #1 in gallyfanfic and #3 in tmrfanfic! Lastly, I apologize once again for my lack of consistency on my updating schedule as I've been very busy and haven't had the chance to catch up on writing. With that being said, thanks again for your patience and let's get on with the story.

☆☆☆

I was an ass. To everyone. I hated to admit it, but it was true. I was never too kind to anyone. Although, looking past my tough exterior, within I was soft.

There was nothing that could be done to change that, but she seemed to bring that fragility out into the open. With her, I was completely and utterly vulnerable.

When I had come up in that box, three years prior, I had to make a decision. I was terrified, unable to form a proper sentence, but as I looked to the handful of boys before me I knew what I had to do.

So I hid the glimpses of defenselessness. Buried them until who I once was, was no longer visible. Until I had built the image of who I wanted to be, to protect my new home and family.

What I wanted was to be the strong one. The one that didn't back down. Who kept everyone in line. Be the enforcer. The one to toughen everyone up because if that job was not fulfilled, we wouldn't have gotten far enough to see the now.

So that was the role I chose, and I had to follow through with it. Even now, even when it went against her every belief.

At first it was easy. Easy to give the cold shoulder. Easy to put my foot down and turn the other way without batting an eye. Though as I looked at her soft eyes and warm smile, I could no longer contain the truth. That I wanted nothing more than to run away with her, and leave behind everything I thought I knew.

She had infected me - mind, body, and soul, but I was soon met by a much greater infection. Something that was much more physical leading me to be rid of any desire I thought I had. I was sick. No longer in the mindset to think properly or contain sudden outbursts.

I knew from the moment she told me she loved me, when I told her I felt nothing, that I had been stung by that Griever in the box. In a way it was true, what I had said, not because I didn't love her, but because I felt numb. The infection had taken over my mind making me lose my grip on reality.

Trances, headaches, visions, mood swings; they all came so fast. I couldn't keep up, and found myself unable to comprehend everything I had done. Said.

I hardly remembered putting Thomas in the slammer when I came to, nor had I realized my sudden outburst towards Newt. My part in overthrowing his position. All I remember, was losing consciousness to soon be bombarded with small memories of my past.

Through everything I had done, I knew it was getting worse and I was only destined to share the same fate as Ben. I didn't know if I could bring myself to face the truth, to face her, so I let it take me.

I let it bury itself within me so deeply, I anticipated it's destruction, yet I allowed it to go further. I let myself lose control. I watched myself get ready to sacrifice an innocent boy. Though I never really liked him, I'd have never thought twice about doing something like that.

What made everything worse, was that I stood there as I tore her heart to shreds. I saw the hope in her eyes suddenly fade away. All of her plans, that we'd be together when she saw the world, simply vanished into a blank expression.

"I don't want to sit here and beg for you anymore". Those words had seemed to have struck a nerve and for a second I wish they hadn't. I couldn't even bare to look at her when I came to. The look on her face said it all. It made me sick to my stomach and I hadn't even realized what I had done.

Everything I said and did was meaningless because it wasn't me, but I had to deal with the consequences. I had to live with what I had done regardless of the state I was in. I just wasn't sure if I could forgive myself for it.

That was when her eyes met mine, anchoring me towards her. My body was on fire, like it always was when I was around her, but this time it was different.

I didn't understand how she could still love someone that did what I did to her, but I did understand that I wanted her to be happy. I knew that I needed to set her free regardless of how painful it would be for me.

I didn't miss the wounded expression as I handed her off to Newt, but she had to go. It was the only way I could protect her from myself.

Now as I sat alone in the Glade, I couldn't help but think of her. It was only a matter of hours before I was no longer in control, but I yearned to know where she was. I wanted to be by her side, holding her hand as we made it to the other side.

A part of me had it's doubts, what if she hadn't made it? What if this had all been my fault? I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything had happened to her, but I wasn't even sure if I'd live long enough to find out.

That's when something had took over me, taking me towards the walls. I could no longer tell if it was another trance, all I felt was this pestering sense of worry.

I wanted to make sure she was alright. I wanted to see her, feel her, be with her. I didn't care what would happen. I didn't care if I was out of my mind. I didn't even care if it killed me, but it all felt right.