SWEET AND SOUR || Kim Taehyung

32 - Late Night Thoughts

*TAEHYUNG'S POV*

I lay under my covers restless, Yeontan by my feet as I looked out my window beside me.

I had stayed up with Y/n for a while downstairs, talking about nonsense subjects until I noticed her eyes getting heavy, so I took her upstairs to her room and said goodnight, getting myself ready for bed right after.

She was new, I had never had a connection with her like I have with anyone else.

I didn't know how to feel about it. 

One the one hand, the good hand, I felt whole again, like a person with a legitimate purpose, and that purpose being just to feel happy again. She was gentle and often put me in a very delicate and sleepy mood, her face was so cute, and her expressions and body language was so inviting, it made me eager to touch her, not like I typically would with other women, but to hold her, to have her closer to me just to reassure that worry that she could slip away.

But on the other hand, I didn't feel at all like myself, I was always so laid back with my expectations and all around emotions, but now I feel out of my depth. This whole thing is starting to feel alien, I have never once gone so far with someone, and for it to be with a girl I was notoriously known for holding a grudge against. What would people think if they knew I was concerned about what other guys said to her, that wasn't at all like me.

I shivered just thinking about it.

Maybe this whole thing isn't for me, maybe I should just think about sticking to no relationships, or emotional attachments, just hook ups.

But now that it comes to mind, do I even miss finding myself tangled with another girl every other weekend? 

I used to cringe at the idea that men could stick to one person, they could kiss their partner and not get bored of the same lips, and of course I didn't fantasise over a future of being a cheater or a player, but it just didn't seem right to me.

Although, I never once would have expected for Y/n's lips to taste so sweet, for her body to feel so good, like we were mechanically designed to fit together. 

I turned, flipping my pillow as I did so with these uncomfortable thoughts.

Maybe I should just detach myself completely and just come to terms that she would be better of with someone else.

She had a heart of gold and I don't think I could bare continuing on how we currently are, just to abandon her later on, when more deeper feelings will be present, I didn't want to see her broken, and I had an overwhelming feeling that her family wasn't doing so great.

On a night out a while back, Nicole was sat in a room along with my friends at someone's house party, we were all exhausted and tired, talking about deeper topics, more personal subjects.

I remember feeling paralysed once someone had brought up family, and I prayed and waited for someone else to speak up about their own problems, as the house I was sat in was infamously known for containing a rich couples son that they would barely ever make the effort for, everyone had an idea of what was going on, but nobody would hear a single word on it, not from me, and not from my parents.

Nicole spoke up though, and I was surprised at first as I knew that her biological parents were happily married with a newborn, living in a bigger house.

So instead of talking about herself, she began speaking about Y/n, how she used to live near her and how they used to be very close.

Apparently the sleepovers at hers were never easy, and of course, Nicole being herself talked about her own feelings, how she was 'traumatised' at the behaviour, how she could barely handle living a couple doors down from that environment. That it was difficult to sleep at night knowing that 'she could be in danger for knowing about her parents bad habits'.