chapter 16 {face your fears}

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you woke up with 2 strong arms around you. you opened your eyes expecting Steve to lay next to you but it wasn't, it was Bucky. you remembered last night, you must have fallen asleep. you slowly got out from under his grip walking to your room hoping you would find Steve there but he was already gone. you walked to the kitchen were Steve was baking pancakes. it was your favorite breakfast now. "good morning" you say to him sitting down on the counter next to him. "good morning beautiful" he said before kissing you. "I missed you this morning, were where you" he asked you. you didn't know why but you felt a bit guilty for sleeping next to Bucky. "I woke up from Bucky screaming, he had a nightmare, I calmed him down and i accidently fell asleep i guess" you told Steve hoping he wasn't mad, but he wasn't he just smiled at you. "what're you smiling at" you said pushing him against his shoulder. "I think it's sweet that you helped him, especially after you tried to kill him a month ago" he said. "you know that wasn't really me right, that tried to kill him" you said feeling guilty looking to the ground. "I know" Steve said lifting your head up "I just think it's really sweet you helped him" he said smiling at you, which made you smile too. you pulled Steve by his belt pulling him close to you, kissing him deeply. Steve's hand traveled to your hip and with the other he cupped your face, pulling you even closer to him. "I think something is burning" you heard Tony say as he walked into the kitchen, Steve pulled back quickly. "hey dad" you said "hey y/n" he said smiling at you, still happy you called him dad now. Steve was silent and blushing like crazy. "uhhh Steve it's still burning" you said to him. Steve quickly grabbed the pan and threw away the now fully black pancake. you and Tony laughed. "good morning" you heard Bucky say as he walked in. "did something burn" he asked. you and Tony laugh again. "yeah sorry my fault" you say looking at Steve who now smiled too.

you finished your breakfast and walked to the gym where Bucky was already waiting for you. "ready" he asked. "as i'll ever be" you said back. he first let you do some warm up things. "you really got strong" he said seeing you punch the punching bag. "I know" you said back focusing on your punches. "okay, I think that's enough warming up" he said "ready to get the knives out". your heart began to beat faster. Bucky came walking towards you with a knife in his hand, at first you didn't move your breathing going faster and faster "are you okay" Bucky asked you. "I can't breathe" you say struggling to get air, fully panicking now.

Bucky laid the knife down and sat you on the bench, he crouched down before the bench facing you. "look at me" he said. 

"now breathe in" you did as he said

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"now breathe in" you did as he said. "good now breathe out, good" he said calmly. "okay breathe in, and out" he said breathing with you. after a few more breaths you calmed down again. "thank you" you said to him. "well thank you too" he said, you looked at him confused. "for calming me down last night" he said looking deep into your eyes."you have nightmares often?" you asked him. he nodded "I still have them now and again, but not as much as i used to". you hugged him and he hugged you back, it's been a long time since you've seen each other and you've actually missed him so much. "so what made you freak out, was it me?" he asked. "no it's not you, it's the knives, just brings me back to that time" you said looking at the ground. "shit, I should have known, I'm so stupid, I'm sorry y/n". "no it's okay, I just want to get over this fear" you said to him.

"okay" he said helping you stand up and giving you a knife. "just breathe, these aren't sharp" he said. you focused on your breath. "good" he said "now throw it". you threw the knife but it fell a few feet before you, not even close to the target. "let's try again" Bucky said giving you the knife again. "feet a little bit more apart, like this" he said walking up behind you shoving your feet apart with his foot. you could feel his breath in your neck. "turn your hips a little" he said grabbing your hips and turning your body. you thought back to your time together at hydra, how he would make you feel. shit you thought to yourself, did you still had feelings for him. "now you're going to throw the knife and before you let go you flick your wrist" he said. he grabbed your hands with the knife in it entangling his fingers with yours. it was silent for a while, you've missed hit touch. "are you ready" Bucky said bringing you back to the room and out of your mind. "1...2..3". he helped you throw the knife and it landed right in the targets chest. "Yes!" you said proud of yourself, you turned around and saw Bucky was just inches away from you. you looked into his blue eyes and before you knew it your lips touched. as quickly as it happened he pulled away. "I think that was enough for today" he said acting like nothing happened. you grabbed your stuff and walked towards the door "thanks sol..uh Bucky" you said looking over your shoulder. "good job today y/n" he said back as you walked out of the gym.

*bucky's pov*

y/n walked out of the room. shit you've missed her. the way she used to touch you, the way she looked at you, it would let all the anger and sadness in you disappear. she was the reason you've stayed sane at hydra. fuck why did you need to kiss, she was seeing Steve. you couldn't do that to your best friend. you closed your eyes thinking about her. the way she calmed you down last night, telling you everything was okay and the way she hugged you. and then today the way your fingers entangled in each other, like it were perfect puzzle pieces fitting so nicely together. and her beautiful eyes and the way her lips felt on yours. 'stop' you thought to yourself, she's with Steve, just keep this professional and friendly.

*your pov*

you laid in the bed cuddling with Steve. "how did the training go" he asked you "really good actually" you answered as you felt a bit guilty of what happened after. "good, I'm proud of you" Steve said kissing you. you sat on top of Steve kissing his passionately. "what's this for" he asked smiling. "can't a girl just make out with someone she really likes". "hey i'm not complaining" Steve said back laughing. "I really like you Steve" you said with an serious tone. "I really like you too" Steve said pulling you in for another kiss. and after a make out session you both fell asleep.

* steve's pov*

you woke up from y/n yelling, she probably had another nightmare again. you turned around and looked in shock to the girl lying next to you. electricity was shooting out of her. then you heard Tony over the coms "don't worry people the electricity went out, were looking where the problem comes from". you knew where it came from and it wasn't a where it was a who, it was y/n!




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