Fate/Grand Shenanigans: Stateside Shitshow

President Lion

The night had been a mostly quiet one for the Chaldeans. Ophelia slept soundly with Chen Gong and Zhuge Liang on watch while Gudao slept spooning Astolfo. Gudako spent her time basically drooling over Cú's abs before finally falling asleep.

As for Y/n...

Well, sleep wasn't the issue he had.

Remember when Cú mentioned that Medb could probably suck the chromes off of a car wheel? Yeah. Y/n found out that he wasn't exactly wrong on that assumption.

Turns out Medb was pretty weak willed when it came to anything that could tempt her.

To put it simply. The risk Y/n took was calculated...

But fuck was he bad at math.

Y/n stepped out of the tent with bags under his eyes, which caused Kama to laugh.

Kama: "Have a rough night?"

Y/n: "You try having a fucking power-vacuum attach itself to your genitals while you sleep."

Cú: "Yup. I did tell ya, but it kept her busy for a night and left her tired in the morning."

Parvati: "I'm sorry we had you do that, Y/n."

Ashwatthama: "He's probably used to it by now."

Lancelot: "DAMN FUCKIN' RIGHT!!"

The Chaldeans managed to get breakfast sorted so they could keep going for the day ahead. Nightingale tagged along as they had Medb wrapped up like a burrito with the chains of heaven keeping her in place as Ash carried her over his shoulder.

They soon came across some kind of camp. Nightingale immediately ran down to it and started yelling at people who appeared to be treating injured soldiers.

Y/n and the others took a look around, being cautious not to incite any violence from the soldiers. This was America after all, they had more bullets than common decency.

Nightingale: "If I catch you using such outdated methods again, I won't hesitate to punch you until you yourself need treatment!"

Y/n: "... Yup. She's definitely a berserker."

Nightingale re-emerged from the tent before proceeding to yell at more soldiers and field-nurses, much to Gudao's entertainment. Chen Gong merely scoffed, his ideals as a strategist were that soldiers were no different than bullets. Tools to be used and expended as he saw fit. Call it sadistic, his strategies yielded results, no matter what foe he faced.

???: "Nightingale!"

Y/n turned and saw a large squad of robots walking over, in front of them was what looked like a little girl, however Y/n had learned by this point that lolis made no fucking sense whatsoever.

???: "You've got to return to your post. We can't have a berserker like yourself just wandering off like that again!"

Nightingale: "No, YOU go back to YOUR post."

The girl sighed in frustration before spotting Y/n and the others.

???: "And who might these people be?"

Y/n: "Hm? Oh, name's Y/n von Einzbern."

Ophelia: "I am Ophelia Phamrsolone."

Gudao: "Sup? I'm Gudao Fujimaru."

Gudako: "Gudako Fujimaru."

???: "Huh, you're all mages. Masters no less. Ah! Where are my manners, I am Helena Blavatsky. Caster class, feel free to just call me granny though."