Hearts & Stars (A Paul Stanley X Tommy Thayer Rock & Roll Love Story)

Chapter 21-So I run from you... (Tommy Thayer-Stanley POV)

A/N: Tommy really struggles mentally this chapter...

I've just left my house with Paul...Paul, I had really hoped.... Still hope that what just happened, it can't be what I think it is or was. Regardless, it still hurts so very much. I'm driving around and I have no clue where to go.... I don't want to go back home.... it's just hit, me: I'm going to go to Peter's & Foxes house. So, I start to head that way, but I burst into a fresh round of tears & pull over. Sobbing, I cut the engine and rest my head on the steering wheel. Everything hurts....my heart, my head....my marriage already...God, I don't want it to all fall apart! Yet it feels like it is, or maybe its just me? And I am feeling so nauseous, and I don't know what's going on there. So, another thing to worry about.... I'm just so overwhelmed.

Why the fuck did Ace have to show up, period? Show up when I'm the happiest I have ever been. Why?! I hate this! He really hates me; I don't get it. And Paul...oh Paul. I love him so very much, still my heart belongs to him. I just can't deal with anything...with him right now. I feel the overwhelming urge to vomit and open the car door and heave my stomach contents all over the ground, ugh gross! I look up and happen to notice I'm at some grocery store, well THAT'S convenient, plus its not like I was really paying attention either as to where I was driving.

Suddenly, I have a serious craving for of all thing's lemon bars. Ok...why not? I just really want something tart. So, I head inside the store where I find lemon bars, thankfully but then I could really go for an at least halfway decent Italian sub and ooh, yes! I find pickles. I find some ginger ale, and pay for my arm load of food...head back to my car and get in. Before I can begin to wolf down my food, my phone rings. I groan and glance at the caller ID: Paul. Oh, God! What do I do?! I still love him so much....and even if what happened wasn't what I thought. I can't...can't face my husband. And there is the fact that he did hide messages from Ace, I don't know if maybe he did do it to protect me? I just can't think straight!

I burst into tears and just let my phone ring and go to voice mail. It does and then starts ringing.... Paul again. I ignore and dig into my goodies like one possessed and hoping that I keep everything down as I seem to have been getting sick here lately. I finish everything with a sigh and dispose of the trash. I continue my way to Peter & Eric Carr's aka the Fox's house. I've been meaning to visit them anyway; I am sure they will be both surprised and perhaps not surprised to see me. I don't know.... My phone rings yet again and once more it's my husband. My heart hurts...I feel at least in part I should let Paul explain his side, at least I mean my head says to let him explain and so does my heart. However, with the way I'm feeling I just don't know. Sure, I am pissed at Paul, but Ace...Ace, I knew. I fucking knew he'd weasel his way back! I just feel so confused and lost and just so many emotions.... I need to breath and to think.

I am running away I know and that ultimately doesn't help anything. I'm running from my husband, from dealing with my problems and I just need peace. Just need time to figure things out. Just need time is all...How much though I'm not sure.

Before I know it, I find myself at a familiar sight: Peter & Fox's house. Really, it's a beautiful Italian style villa and oh! I will get to see my 'nieces' and 'nephews', so I'm kind of excited about that. Oh good, both Peter's car and Fox's are here!

In any case, I get out of the car and my phone rings for what seems to be the 1000th time and it's Paul yet again and I let it go to voice mail once more. And I finally just turn my phone off and shove it in my pocket as I head to the door and proceed to knock. Fox is the one to open the door and he looks surprised but then happy to see me.

"Tommy! This is a surprise! Oh, geez where are my manners? Please come in!" I cross the thresh hold and I suddenly start to feel a little dizzy and Fox looks concerned.

"Tommy, you, ok? You look pale...you gonna get sick?. Wait your dizzy, aren't you? Here let me help you to the couch.", Fox carefully steers me to the couch, and I promptly close my eyes and soon the spell seems to pass. "Hey, I'm going to get you something to drink, Gatorade, ok? And maybe some crackers? I'm gonna go get Peter too."

I nod weakly as I lay back...the house is relatively quiet considering Peter and Fox have like five kids. Which wait where are the kids? I don't have any more time to wander before Fox comes back with his husband in tow and the Gatorade and crackers which is given to me, and I immediately guzzle the Gatorade down and wolf down the crackers. Peter and Fox share a look and then look back at me...their looks are knowing and very concerned and this prompts yet another round of me bursting into tears and curling in on myself.

That's strange why did they look at each other like that? And look at me like that? I find myself wishing Paul were here.... I miss him. Will I ever figure out what's wrong with me? Will I see my husband again and can I let him explain?

I just want to wake up from this nightmare! I'm acting strange and I look like I've gained some weight.... maybe it's just stress? No...no it's not stress.

I am brought out of my reverie by Peter saying something to which, I reply with, "Huh?"

For some reason I brush my hand down to my stomach and my eyes widen....

A/N: I know I left off on a cliffhanger, but I promise will be totally worth it! and Tommy may be coming to a realization but Peter will help him see and realize things...