You're sitting at your desk...and you know it's time to go you said that to yourself over 1 million times. But you know for sure this time is real. You're tired. You're just so very tired. Your parents made you mad. Like school wasn't bad enough today! You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or just whatever you choose to use because you're that desperate. You're ready. You think of it as some game...the first one who is dead...wins...no one's home and it's the perfect time. You're ready. If you don't do it you're going to look down on yourself even more. You're going to hate yourself even more. No one knows. No one will know....until later....instead of getting a paper and a pen, you get the video camera out along with a chair. You're standing on the chair. You decided to go with the rope...you'll be gone instantly and there will be no noise. One side of the rope is tied to the top of your fan and the other is already around your neck...you're in tears. You know it's for real this time. You turn on the video camera and just stare...at that red light for blinking upon your eyes. You start to mumble out a few words..."mom and dad I'm sorry I don't know why I'm sorry but I'm sorry I can't do this anymore! please don't blame your self, please I love you both and tell my siblings the same I'll see you all soon." You say sorry to your best friend because you know you won't be there for them anymore when they need you more than ever. You say sorry to everyone you can think of......even your self. You're sorry for not being strong anymore. You're sorry for breaking down. You're sorry for putting them through so much pain in their life. You stare once again at that red light blinking upon your eyes.
1 foot is off the chair now as you begin to mouth the word goodbye you have the remote control to turn off the camera in your hand you click to the off button as soon as you see that light go off... you go off. Both feet are off of the chair...... the chair is on the floor......the room is filled with silence. You're dead. You're gone. There is no going back. Everything is over and you don't have to live in pain anymore.......but everyone else will. What are your parents going to think? What about your little brother? What is he going to do? You ended your life because the person you liked only thought of you as a friend. You ended your life because that one teacher was harder on you than anyone else in the class because she knows you're the only one that is going somewhere in life. Your parents are home...they call your name telling you they're home just like they normally do when they get home, but something is different, you don't answer. They get worried, because you always answer. They come upstairs thinking you're sleeping or showering. Your Mom opens your bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. She instantly passes out. Your little brother hears her and comes up after her. She screams "daddy help!" She runs over to you hitting your leg, begging you to wake up. "Wake up! Wake up! Please stop, wake up!" But you don't answer. Your not waking up. Your dad comes running up the stairs, and all he could do is stare. He watches his son swing back and forth on a rope. He sees the video camera and he sees the chair. But he doesn't move. He's stiff as a board. He cries. Your dad NEVER cries. He picks up the phone and calls "911" and he can barely get the words "my son committed suicide" out of his mouth. Your little brother stares at your dad. Your dad hangs up. Your little brother jumps into your dads arms, crying harder than ever. He is too young to understand completely, but he knows you're gone. Everything is over. The five cops finally arrive. They push your dad and brother out of the room and sit them in the living room. They take your body down off the ropes and lay you on the stretcher. They cover your body.....and out you go......just like that. Nothing is the same. Two weeks have passed and your mom still stares out the window more than half of the day. Your little brother hasn't returned to school. Your dad has been forced to go to work so he can pay all the bills for your funeral. Eventually they found the strength to go back into your room. Your door hasn't been opened for months. The rope is still laying on the floor. The video camera is still sitting on the table. They don't even dare watch the video. It will never be seen. They slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. Chills running up their spine. Your mom basically in tears. They brush off your bed making it neat. Just like they used to do every morning after you went to school. Your room was clean. They shut the door and it remained shut. Your school is still in distress. You thought no one cared and you thought no one noticed you. That girl that said no to being your lab partner, yeah, she cuts every night now because she thinks it's her fault you died. That boy that tripped you on accident and didn't say sorry, he's in suicidal therapy five days a week and a hospital because he feels a smile could've saved your life and he didn't give that to you. That teacher that was hard on you that day, she quit her job, because she felt she wasn't suited to teach anymore. Four years have passed. your little brother is 15 now. He has started a club in her school dedicated to you. "Secrets" is what he calls it. The club is formed for kids to speak their hearts without anyone judging them. Thy can say what ever they want to, and talk about whatever they need to. If they were suicidal, they always had someone.
That was your problem. You didn't want to talk to anyone. You had everything bottled up inside of you. you acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet and you had the perfect life. You played that character so well...you started to believe it. You would be so "happy" and as soon as you layed in bed at night the thoughts came back, a little fight between you and your parents could have set you off. But with everything bottled up inside of you for years, you were at your breaking point. Your room will never be occupied. Your mom still cries every single night. Your dad isn't as strong as he used to be. Your little brother will never grow up with you by his side, moving him in the right direction. Your best friend is still torn up. Your school has a club now dedicated to you so that teens will not make the same mistake you did. Your life was precious and you took it away in the blink of an eye. All that you needed was a smile and that's all you needed, but since you're gone, just know people cared. People always have cared, you were just way too upset to see that. You were just too caught up in the fact that you thought no one cared, when the truth was more people cared about you than you ever could have thought. Your town will never be the same. A boy is gone, a special boy who thought no one cared. Everyone cared. I promise you. They care and always have cared. They loved you, and no matter what they still will always love you.
