I'm not even sure anymore. Like I'm positive that I want this girl in my life. She's the cutest thing I've ever seen. Like, I thought the last girl was good, but holy Jesus. I don't really understand it completely. But day-by-day, little-by-little, I'm loving her more and more everyday. And this "love" is different from the "love" I've experienced before. Before it was that I loved them and I wanted to be with them so I could kiss them all the time(them being the girls I've been with before). Now, this "love" that I'm experiencing is more of I love her and I just want to spend time with her. Like, it's not that I didn't want to spend time with the other ones, but, again, something about this one is different. She means more to me I guess. My theory is that it's because I've gotten to know her really well over the last couple months that I've been in school. I've been there through the 2 break-ups and everything else she's gone through. And she's been there for me. And it's confusing as hell. Because I didn't even know I would ever have feelings like this towards her. But I don't know. I woke up one morning and something was different. I no longer saw her as just a friend. I saw her and she was....radiant. Like I immediately just wanted to hug her and hold her. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to call her mine. I wanted to plaster it everywhere. "SHE'S MINE BACK OFF!!" I know that sounds obsessive or whatever but I don't care. You might not know what it's called but I do. It's called love. And I'm enjoying every bit of it. I want to wake up next to her. And I've been saying it all along. I don't want anything sexual. I don't want to have sex with her. I want a relationship. I want midnight texts. I want movie nights. I want to be trusted enough to go over to her house and stay a little later than usual because we don't do anything bad. I want to have a cute relationship. I want to skip through the mall while holding hands because we don't care what everyone is thinking about us. I want to get matching t-shirts. I want to sleep with her. Nothing sexual. Just sleep. I want to take like 2 hour naps with her. Not "naps *wink* *wink*" no. Just naps. Sleep. Because she kinda calms me down in a way. Like she doesn't even need to say anything. She can just look at me and smile and I'm just chill. I don't worry about anything. All the little clicking in my head go silent. The voices in my head asking "What's for lunch? Did you do your homework? You forgot your project again! You're behind in art! You look like crap today. Just kidding you look crappy everyday!" All of the voices. Silent. I don't remember that last time my head was silent. But I'm enjoying every second of it. This is the best I've felt in months. I don't remember the last time I've slept this much and woke up feeling so refreshed. I'm not sure what's happening, but I like it whatever it is. I just hope it lasts.
