Freshman year of high school o thought I was something hot. I walked in lowkey and then acted like I was cool. I got a girlfriend and thought I was even cooler. I though I was basically Kong of the world at that point. I mean I walked cool and whatever and hung out with the cool kids ya know? So I thought I was pretty dope. And I remember before I got into that relationship everybody was warning me. They kept telling me that she had a past and that she'd been with a lot of guys at once. I decided whatever. A persons past shouldn't define them. So I dated anyways. And what did I get for giving them a chance? I was cheated and lied to. And what do I have now? I have issues. I didn't want to get onto any sort of relationship with anyone because I was sure that they would the same thing. Because of them cheating I now see myself as not fit for anyone. I'm not good enough obviously. I couldn't make them happy enough. I was no good. I wasn't good enough for them so I'm not good enough for anyone. And I hate it. Because of one person I hate myself and think I am a piece of trash. Anytime something happens I go back. I make someone mad, "I knew I was trash." I upset someone, "it's because I'm trash." Anything happens, "it's because I'm trash." "No one loves me." "Why would anyone love you? Have you seen you?" And I just myself. I see myself as not good enough. And it started with one person. And it's still happening. And I can't stop it. The constant fear of not being good enough. I feel like I have to please everyone, but I will never be able to do that because I'm not good enough. I feel like I need to help everyone, only because I can't help myself. The thoughts are constant. Sometimes they're loud. Sometimes quiet. I don't understand. I just want them to stop.
