Closet rats

18 Ben

So today i was talking to a friend outside of school, and Eliot saw me. And he... He over reacted. Hugely. And im now sitting here after spending a few hours in A and E with an almost broken nose, my favourite shirt covered in blood and my family freaking out. My brother started saying that he was going to go round to his house and beat the living shit out of him, but i dont want that. But what he did. What he said. I mean I shouldnt have said what i did, but he had the ordasity to say that im a homo. I cant believe this. 

I picked up my guitar before and i ended up writing a song. That was productive. I think im going to go for a run.

I ranfor hours. I ran down my road to the corner where i turned around and ran back up, but i went straight past my house and up to the bridge that takes you out of town onto a long empty road that goes on forever into the night. I ran for ages down there until i found an old building. I went in and sat on the empty dusty floor and cried. When i got home my mum and dad were talking in the kitchen.

"We are thinking of taking you out of school." Mum spoke first.
"What? No why!!"
"Son, look whats happened. We just dont think school is the right place for you at the moment."
"Dad no!"
"Whats keeping you there Ben?"
"Eliot is! I love him"
"Love is a strong word and you dont know how to use it. He obviously doesnt feel the same way Ben."
"Yes!! He does!" And i ran straight to my room. I lifted up my matress and picked up the razor blade that sat there. I sat on my bed crying and lifted up my sleeve. There were no fresh cuts, only scars. I looked back to the blade before putting it back under my bed. I jumped onto Facebook. A message popped up. It was from Paul.
"Hey Ben, long time no see. Im in town, wanna get together?" Paul is my ex, he moved away a year ago.
"Im a bit upset right now sorry"
"Oh come on, i can take your mind off things ;) I promise"
"God this is so you."
"Im not hearing a no"
"Hillview hotel?"
"Haha you know it"

I got in the car and drove to Hillview hotel. Paul was waiting for me. His hair was short and smart and he was only wearing jeans. We walked up to his room. I sat down on the bed as he closed the door. As soon as the door was closed he walked over to me and pushed me so i was lying on the bed in front of him. He leaned in close  and whispered in my ear.
"Itll all be okay soon"

I woke up the next morning. Paul was gone. He left  a note.
"Thanks for last night, i already payed just get out of there before 10"
Shit. Ive never felt more shitty in my life.