Red Vs Blue: Agent New Jersey: The Blood Gulch Chronicles

S2E3: Red vs. Bleu

We see the Reds standing in the middle of the canyon looking towards Blue Base.

Sarge: "We are giving you a chance to surrender!"

Grif: "There's no way this bluff is gonna work."

Sarge: "Put a cork in it, Fast Eddie. There's positively no way they know we're outta ammo."

We then cut to the Blues.

Church: "Yeah, they're definitely outta ammo..."

Carmine: "What're your terms?!"

Tucker: "Their what?"

We cut back to the Reds.

Grif: "Our what?"

Simmons: "I can't believe this is actually working. See if we can get Lopez back, Sarge."

Grif: "Oh yeah. 'Cause then he can fix the Warthog."

Donut: "Oo oo, Sarge - tell them we want the flag."

Grif: "Yeah, and some cake!"

Donut: "Ooh... Wait wait Sarge, just the cake."

Sarge: "Alright, Blues! First off! We want your flag-!"

Simmons: "Wait wait wait just a second. The last time we got the flag, the chick in the black armor showed up."

Sarge: "...to stay right where it is! Keep the flag! But we do want our mechanized droid guy back!"

Church: "Uh oh."

Sarge: "You may know him as Señor El Roboto!"

We cut back to the Blues.

Tucker: "Well, Church, what's it gonna be?"

Church: "Chingado, no way. I'm not giving back my body. I just got this thing."

Carmine: "You do realize that I could just request a robot kit like the Reds have and just build a new body right?"

Sarge: "And don't think you can keep his nuts! Or bolts, or other mechanical parts you may have!"

Church: "Uh.. Uh, he's not here any more!"

Tucker: "Yeah, he left! He was all like 'Sayonara!' and then he just took off!"

Church: "That's not Spanish you idiot, that's French."

Carmine: "You're both idiots, that's Japanese. Let me try this: Hey, Reds! Would you take a medic as a hostage?"

Doc: "A hostage? But I'm supposed to go over there."

We cut back to the Reds.

Simmons: "Meh, that sounds pretty good to me."

Grif: "I don't know, I think we can hold out for more."

Simmons: "We don't have any bullets, dumbass."

Grif: "Oh, right. Take the medic. The medic's a good deal."

We cut back to the Blues.

Church: "Hey, Doc. How's the patient?"

Doc: "Doing well. He seems very alert and responsive."

Tucker: "He's talking about Caboose, right?"

Church: "No, I mean his toe. How's the toe I shot?"

Carmine: "I'm sorry, you did WHAT?! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SHOOT CABOOSE IN THE FOOT?!"

Church: "It was the only way to get Doc over there!"

Carmine: "Somehow, I highly fucking doubt that!"

There's silence for a bit as Carmine and Church glare at each other.

Doc: "Anyway, his toe fell off like an hour ago."

Caboose: "Rest in peace, pinkie toe..." (in O'Malley voice) "You shall be avenged!"

Doc: "Tell you what... Go ahead and send me over. I really don't think I can be any more help."

Carmine: "Alright, we're gonna send over the medic! Now what do we get in return?!"

Simmons: "You?! You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!"

Tucker: "We've already got that! What else do you have?!"

Sarge: "What do you want?!"

Church: "How about if you admit that the Red Team sucks?!"

The Reds mutter among themselves for a moment.

Sarge: "What if we admit that one of us sucks?!"

Grif: "NICE. Wait, you mean Donut, right?"

The screen fades to black and shows "two hours later" in white text before the camera fades back up on the Blues.

Carmine: "Alright, we're all agreed on the terms?! You guys go first, and then we'll send the medic!"

Sarge: "Get on with it, Grif."

Grif: (grunting sigh) "I would just like to let everyone know.. that I suck!"

Church: "And?!"

Grif: "And that I'm a girl!"

Carmine: (laughing) "What else?!"

Grif: "And I like ribbons in my hair! And I want to kiss all the boys!"

Sarge: "This may be the best surrender of all time."

Simmons: "Okay, is that good enough?!"

Carmine: "Yep! Alright, Doc, go ahead."

Doc then runs over to the Reds.

Grif: "Man, I really hope you're worth this."

Doc: "Can I ask you a question? Do they put something in the water here?"

Grif: "Water? We ran outta water six months ago."

Doc: "No water.. Then what do you drink?"

Grif: "Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy, the usual."

Sarge: "I only drink the blood of my enemies. And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or a Sarsaparilla. Grenadine, straight from the can. Deeelicious. ...Oh, occasionally I do enjoy a 'Sex on the Beach.' Or a piña colada." (singing) "If you like piña coladas, hengh! Gettin' caught in the rain, hengh! And you're not in to yoga, engh! Grif just has half a brain, ungh."

Sarge keeps singing as the Reds and Doc head back to base, Tucker turns to Carmine.

Tucker: "Wait, how do they not have water but we do?"

Carmine: "Because unlike the Reds, this squad has a competent CO. I've been requesting weekly supply drops of water, food, etc."

Tucker: "Huh."

The Blues then start to head back to their base, Carmine assisting Caboose along the way.