Red Vs Blue: Agent New Jersey: The Blood Gulch Chronicles

S3E12: Silver Linings

Fade in to the bomb, counting down the last few seconds to 2:00

Grif: "Howh, just two minutes left."

Sarge: "Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic, but I'm absolutely certain we're all gonna die!"

Simmons: "I think that that's a totally objective assessment of the situation, sir."

Tucker: (hitting the window shutters with the ultimate weapon) "What if we just beat on these window shutters together? We can get 'em open."

Sarge: "No, that would be the coward's way out. Fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate!"

Tucker: (jumping up in the now open window) "But I can see daylight!"

Sarge: "It's true. Only a miracle can save us now."

Carmine: "I swear, if I got this far just to die with a bunch of idiots..."

Cut to the computer with Church

Computer: "Teleporter complete. slightly behind schedule."

Church: (with a white beard all the way to Tibet) "You know, it might have gone a bit faster if you hadn't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes."

Computer: "Knock knock."

Church: "Enough. Do you have the coordinates to send me to Blood Gulch or not?"

Computer: "Yes. do you have a plan yet?"

Church: "I've been standing in this hallway thinking for a thousand years. I've had time."

Computer: "And?"

Church: "Well, the main thing I need to do, is keep myself from dying."

Computer: (with a glaring typo) "That's a given."

Church: "And since all our problems stem from O'Malley jumpin' from Tex to Caboose, all I need to do is prevent her from dying too."

Computer: "Because you secretly love her."

Church: "Oh don't start that again. All I need to do is kill that pink guy that sticks the grenade on her."

Computer: "Sounds easy."

Church: "Well, I have knowledge of everything that takes place beforehand, so, as long as I don't interfere too much, or get spotted, should be a frigging breeze."

Computer: "Ready to transport."

Church: "Okay, let's do it. Goodbye... computer. Compu- you know what, you'd think I would have come up with a name for you in these thousand years."

Computer: "It's Gary. but thanks for asking. See you in a few hundred years."

Church with a beard all the way to Tibet teleports away, and is instantly replaced by Church with no beard to Tibet running up to the same spot

Church: "Computer, you've got to send me back!"

Gary: "To Blood Gulch? you just left."

Church: "No no no not to Blood Gulch, to Sidewinder! Man I totally screwed everything up!"

Gary: "How?"

Cut to Blood Gulch, with Sarge constructing Lopez's lower half

Grif: (in the Red Base) "Hey Sarge!"