Red Vs Blue: Agent New Jersey: The Blood Gulch Chronicles

S3E1: The Best Laid Plans

Fades in on Tucker lying face down in the ground, with Donut standing over him.

Tucker: (lifeless moans)

Donut: "Come on mister blue guy, you gotta wake up. Wake up."

Tucker: "It hurts. Just let me die."

Donut: "You can't die, I'm bored! All these girls wanna talk about is chick stuff, and not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns."

Cut to Tex and Sheila

Tex: "I don't have treads, but I often find them staring at things they really shouldn't be."

Cut back to Donut and Tucker

Donut: "You see? Boring stuff like oppression, and a hostile work environment."

Tucker: "Get Doc, I need Doc."

Donut: "I can't. He got possessed by that evil guy and they escaped. He's the one that shot you. Don't you remember?"

Tucker: "I know. I want him to shoot me again."

Donut: "Now now now, sounds like someone's got a case of the 'poor me's.' If you were gonna die you would have done it by now! Maybe you just need to realize, you're gonna have to live with intense pain."

Tucker: "Get that Sarge guy, have him make me a new body."

Donut: "Huhg, we can't. We're out of parts because we overused that joke. And Sarge left with the others to chase Doc. But don't you worry, they left a long time ago, so I'm sure they'll be back any minute. Simmons had a fool-proof plan to catch him."

Cut to Simmons and Carmine in one of many similar corridors of grey between red walls

Simmons: "Hellooooo... Hello? Is anybody here?" 

Carmine: "It looks like we got separated in the teleporter. But why did we end up together? Nevermind. Z, any ideas?"

Zeta: "We might be able to rewire the teleporters to catch up with the rest of the squad."

Carmine: "Sounds good to me. Let's get to work. Simmons, right? Hop on the radio, see if you can get ahold of one of your guys."

Radio sounds

Simmons: "Sarge. This is Simmons 2.0, do you read me. Apparently your plan to chase Lopez and Doc has failed miserably. I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters, which could take me anywhere in the Universe... Or it's a janitor's closet, the hell I don't fucking know, Sarge, are you there, Sarge!"

Cut to Sarge and Caboose standing in a stream

Sarge: "Hello, anyone! Do you read me? Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay." (sound of his radio turning off. To Caboose) "Well, I don't think the others are coming. They must have gotten separated somehow."

Caboose: "My toes, are getting pruny."

Sarge: "O...kay. Why don't we try to find O'Malley?" (runs off)

Caboose: "I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while, maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates." (runs off to follow Sarge)

Sarge: "Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back. If you know what I mean."

Sarge and Caboose come upon a fallen blue soldier outside a base

Caboose: "Sargeant. Look! A sleeping person!"