Without you - Sanders sides human! AU - book 2 (discontinued)

Chapter 31 (Roman's POV)

"J-janus!?" I exclaimed, giving a step back, "What- You-"

"Oh, Roman," His face curved in a warm, welcoming grin, "It's so nice to see you finally came."

"Janus, what the fuck are you doing here?" I asked, look around trying to see if there was someone with a camera recording this, to try and find out if this was all a prank. It wasn't.

"I'm your date, silly," Janus chuckled.

"You're Dee!? Why did you lie to me about your name?" 

"It honestly surprised me that you didn't figue it by yourself. Since when do parents name their children "Dee"?"

"Well... I thought it was a nickname for a longer name," I admited.

"And it is. It's a nickname that one of my friends gave me. And, before you ask, I didn't give you any hints it was me, nor I told you my name because I knew you'll react like this and I didn't want to spoil anything before you got to know me."

"But I do know you! You're a cheater, and a liar, and- and-"

"Go on," Janus grinned, "Did you know what's my favourite colour before we started texting? If I had any pets? How big is my family? What plays do I like? What's my taste of music? You didn't know any of that until a few months ago, didn't you? But now you do. Why? Because you gave me a chance. And for what it looks like, you liked what you learned."

I felt my cheecks bright up, and it wasn't only because of anger, "And how do I know you weren't lying about those things too, huh?"

"Roman, now you're just being childish. Please, think about it. Before, you knew nothing about me. Nothing at all. The only thing you knew about me is that I cheated on my boyfriend, that's it. But now... I- I wish you would forgive me. I tried to talk to Logan to redeem myself, but I couldn't get near him. And now, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to get closer to you."

Something in Janus's eyes told me that he was being honest. He- he did want to start fresh, didn't he? Still...

"Why me?" I asked, "Why did you chose to talk to me? Am I a part of your plan to get back with any of my friends?"

"What?" Janus looked at me confused, "What are you saying, Roman? Isn't it obvious? I've forgoten those two, it's useless. But, haven't I said it to you so many times before how i feel about you? I "chose" you because you're Roman Prince, you're sweet and brave and beautiful. Your smile lights up a room, your acting skills are above average and you have a heart of gold. I thought that after these countless hours of texting eachother, you had it figured out. Wasn't I specific enought?"

I freezed upon Janus's words. Reading it through text was one thing, but listening him say those words out loud... Did he really think so much of me? I shook my head. No. I couldn't distract myself from the reality of the situation with those flattering words

"Janus, even so, you're still a cheater. You cheated on Logan, you cheated on Virgil... and you're probably gonna cheat on me as well if I give you the chance. I wouldn't want to end hurt the same way you hurt my friends, and dating someone's ex is a big no-no. So why should I even be listening to you?"

"First of all, you shouldn't be judging me from my past mistakes. With Virgil, I was young, it's been about 5 years since that happened, and he took way worse than he should've. You said it before, what we did in highschool doesn't count, it was different back then. And with Logan... How can you blame me? You brother seduced me. I didn't even mean it, but I was so tired of waiting with Logan, I just had to do it with someone else, if you know what I mean."

My brain told me not to trust this man, but a little voice inside me told me he might be telling the truth. I had fallen for Dee, why wouldn't it be the same for Janus? His arguments had their logic too. As we had agreed upon, highschool didn't count. Everyone did stupid things back then, even me. And with Logan... It was true, Janus had been a jerk, but I kinda believed him when he said it was Remus's fault. It was obviously Remus's fault. My stupid brother had layed his eyes on Janus the momen he saw him, and Remus did have a history with similar cases. Even with all this, I refused to act stupidly. I needed to listen to the good part of my brain. 

"Look, Janus- I'm sorry, but this can't work. You've been so nice to me, but I literally live with your ex. This can't work. Not even friendship can work," I sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Oh. So that's how it's gonna be," Janus's face sudently turned darker. I gave a step back. Janus breathed in, "Roman, I really hoped you could understand me. I really thought you where smarter than the others. But if you don't want anything to do with me, so be it."

"What do you mean with that?" I asked, as I folowed Janus with my eyes once he started to walk away.

"What I mean, is that it'll be better for both of us to go our separate ways and forget I ever gave you my number. If you change your mind, I'll see you here, at this same hour next week. Until then, goodbye," Janus said. He turned his head walked off, not caring to look back and see my reaction to my words.

I watched him go until I lost sight of him in the crowd. Snow slowly started to fall down the sky, and I stood there, without moving, watching it all go down.

Stupid. Stupid lil piece of shit, I told myself, Why? Why on earth did you even think this'll be a good idea... Why did you even start texting that stupid number when that girl gave it to you? Why couldn't you just have acted like a normal human being and ignore it?

There was nothing else for me to do here. I should just go home and suffer in there, where the could couldn't affect me. I had even dressed up for the occasion, and all for nothing! I had made a fool of myself, that what had happened. 

I picked up my phone to vent my problems on Dee when a realization struck me like a train. Dee was Janus... I couldn't- I couldn't text him anymore. I couldn't rely on him to help me, I couldn't tell him about my day anymore, I couldn't wake up to his goodmorning messages. This was all wrong. 

The worst thing is I couldn't tell my friends either. What  would I tell them? That I had been ignoring them all this time because I was texting someone who just happened to be two of their exs? That I had caught feelinsg for the man that broke their hearts? That I felt pain for leaving Janus like this? No way I would do that. 

I can just imagine how it'll go. Virgil would have an anxiety attack, and Logan would take some time to process my words before storming to his room without saying a word, only to stay there trapped for a couple of days. Patton would look at me with a dissapointed face before going to assit the other two on the trouble that I had caused. None of them would ever want to see me again. I just couldn't risk it. 

So I went home. My biggest worry right now was how would I explain this all to Logan, Patton and Virgil. Lying to them wasn't going to be easy... It was going to be wrong. But I couldn't tell them the truth. The reality of today was a secret Janus and I would have to keep.

hehehehehehehehehehe

It's finally happening!!!!

Quick thing, the book is not gonna end soon. Not even close, so now I'm curious to see if any of you have any idea on what'll happen next

Spoilers: It'll include angst uwu

Until the next time, take it easy guys gals and non binary pals!