Push Me Away : Book 2 of the Teeth Series

21

Sweat had broken out across every inch of skin on Fallon's body. To say that she was on edge waiting for the release of Calum's newest album would be a sore understatement. It was like something deep in her blood knew that something, somewhere on the album was meant for her. Maybe she was paranoid, maybe she was conceited, maybe she was desperately hoping for a sign that she truly was still relevant to Calum's heart. Sure, he had said he still had hope for them. But there was a difference in him saying that in a moment, and in him saying it on a record that was infinite in his longevity.

For around an hour she had been teetering back and forth on her decision over whether or not she should watch the Instagram stream the boys had planned. A good part of her was curious as to what they would say, if there would be any subtleties that only she would notice in Calum's behavior. Another part of her was fearful that he would make jokes at her expense or simply give no indications that he had ever loved her at all. Fallon didn't want to think of Calum in that light but there was always that chance.

In the end she decided that she would join the stream from her borrowed bedroom, her body flopped across the top of the duvet and her phone open to the appropriate app but across the bed on a pillow where she could hear it but didn't have to actually watch any of the boys or the comment section as it flooded with enthused and adoring fans.

Truly, she was doing her best simply to get her breathing under control as Ashton's part of the stream started and she listened through a song called Red Desert that was obviously about Australia and a few songs that had been previously released as singles. It was the first time she had heard Wildflower. With all of the chaos of moving in and things with Erin coming to a head she hadn't had a chance to listen to it and as she heard Calum's voice singing to her through the speaker, it truly felt as if the voice on the recording was singing to only her.

Best Years was beautiful but clearly about Luke and Sierra. The notion was so beautiful though that she hoped when Calum listened to it he felt as nostalgic and hopeful as she did. A tear slipped down her face and she wiped at the droplet, desperate to hold herself together the entire way through. The next two songs were about tumultuous times in a relationship and though she couldn't be sure that they found their base in her relationship with Calum, she suspected they had at least played a role. Some of the lines were too close to home to be coincidental.

The last quarter of the album was when things really began to become clear. Thin White Lies practically felt like a memoir. Like a replay of months of their relationship had been encapsulated into a three minute long song. Lonely heart was much the same. So painfully obvious to her while so expertly hidden from those who would never know the whole truth. It was everything she had been feeling for some time but had been unable to express.

Fallon's resolve to maintain her composure evaporated with the first few notes of High. Maybe she could have succeeded in her endeavor if she hadn't rolled over on her stomach and come face to face through her screen with a Calum who looked close to tears himself. The song was both self-deprecating and self-indulgent. A combination that for some might not have made any sense but in her heart she felt it entirely. The desire to want someone for yourself but realize that, at least for the moment, they might be better off without you.

The tears fell freely, completely unhindered as she waited for Calum to sign off of the stream and then pushed herself off the bed, letting her feet carry her to the living room. It took a moment for his eyes to lift and find hers. His jaw was tight, pulled taught and solid, his teeth clenched as he stared at her with watery deep brown eyes from where he sat on the couch, a million unsaid words hanging in the balance between them.

Finally, after a quiet interlude he lifted his eyebrows, widening his eyes in a silent beg for her approval.

"It wasn't at all what I expected." She told him, honesty pouring from her mouth unfiltered, tear tracks still staining her cheeks as she wiped at them desperately trying to pull herself together.

"I figured as much. Did you have a favorite?"

She thought for a moment, carefully considering the songs she'd heard. "I don't know if I could pick just one. There were a few that just seemed more sentimental. I'll have to listen through a few more times to pick a real favorite."

"I'll try not to be too offended that you didn't immediately pick my solo song as your favorite." He joked, attempting to ease the tension and pulling a rumbling laugh from deep within her chest.

"Can't do that." She said, fighting a smile. "Your head's big enough as it is."

"You know, seems like everytime we have a discussion you bring up the size of my head. Has this always been a problem for you or is this a newly discovered complaint of yours."

"Nah, you just make it too easy."

"Did you write the last one?"

"Not really, no. I was talking to Luke one day and I think I helped inspire the idea but the song itself just felt too... I don't know. I can barely listen to it without getting overwhelmed, I don't think I would have made it through the writing process in one piece. Not that I've really been in one piece lately."

His eyes drifted upwards slowly, meeting her own and stalling the breath as it tried to escape her lungs.

"Calum, I don't really know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to." He said sternly, his face etched in hard lines and his hands tightly gripping the arm of the almond colored couch.

"But I do want to.." And she did. She so desperately wanted to find the appropriate words to tell him that the entirety of the album was beautiful, their best yet. That she was proud of him and most importantly, that something between them had shifted within their short time living together. At least for her.

That didn't seem like the kind of thing she could come right out and say though. Coupled with a feeling of dread that Calum might not feel the same way, Fallon instead settled on a simple praise. "You four have outdone yourselves, truly."

She offered him a weak smile and then retreated to her room, disappointed in herself and her ability to tell Calum of the way her feelings had begun to shift.

An: what do we think?

Thanks for sticking out these sporadic updates with me! Ily! Sav 🖤