Don't Burn Out (Currently Editing)

Bonus Chapter: Jaqueline's Point of View

Jaqueline Smith's Point of View

The love of your life commits heinous acts of cruelty against innocents and allows for so much violence to be justified. He tells you he does it all for you. All the crimes he commits are so that one day the two of you may live in paradise. What do you do when this is your love?

Do you run into their arms and love them regardless of their actions? Love them from afar? Hate them and find another to love?

In my case, I love him so much. If he would give it all up and asked for redemption from his sins, I would be there. I would jump into his arm and we could have a paradise. However, there is a part of me that so furious at even entertaining the idea of loving him. His crimes have stained him, and no matter what he uses to wash his hands, no matter if he rolls over belly-up and begs for forgiveness this piece of me could never love him.

But what if you physically needed your love for survival? As I wolf, I must ask myself this question.

I have not seen the love of my life in so long because I am afraid of what my answer to this question maybe.

"Give us sanctum, give us peace, give us redemption Mother Luna." Is whispered by our fairly large crowd as a prayer is completed.

I think back to my pre-Mason days. I was never a typical "good girl." My mother even told me I have been a "wild child" since I was in her womb. I was just free. I always say and did whatever I wanted and I didn't care what anyone else thought. Though I was this quote unquote "wild child," I was so religious. I prayed and spoke to Luna almost everyday. Whenever there was a prayer session or ceremony in honor of Luna, I was there.

Post-Mason, I lost both my religion and my confidence in one final swoop. I hope he's happy he has such an affect on me.

My wolf, Cecily, scoffed. As if your sudden atheism and insecurities are his fault!

I release a mental. I just want to curl up inside my mind, brace for this war, and hope Cecily and Mason find me again when the dust settles.

Cecily, please don't fight me at least not tonight. I just want to see Mason then go to sleep.

The grey colored wolf just rolled her eyes and headed back into my subconscious. She is still fuming, but she does not peep a single word.

I am not an atheist. I am aware of Luna's presence and I love her so much, but how could she allow both my mate and my wolf to abandon me.

I wonder everyday if she is punishing me for some crime I committed in another life because I know I sure hell do not deserve this now. I am not a good person and I have never claimed to be or even want to be. I don't deserve this unfair punishment. As a lycan, your wolf and your mate are all you have in this world and without them we do not survive. It's that simple.

The click of the double doors leading to the ballroom drew me away from my thoughts. Then we are walking in. Tiffany and Zayn lead the other Alphas and Lunas and the lower ranks follow.

As I step into the dimly lit ballroom I do note the sleek black and white themed decor, but only subconsciously for I am scanning the room for those green eyes that I hope will stop my heart tonight. I catch his gaze across the room. He is all alone at a table of his own. The table furtherest from all the rest.

When he spotted me, he rose from his chair and pulled out another seat. My mind was resting when my feet drew me to him. Now I stand less than a foot from him. I feel his breath on my exposed neck and I could almost taste the spicy, masculine scent wafting off his chest. Though we are so close and so in love there no loving exchanges between us.