Don't Burn Out (Currently Editing)

Thirty-Seven

Warning this chapter contains a hell of a lot of figurative language, and the song on the side is not the song mentioned in the chapter it's kinda Zayn's thoughts about Tiffany, it's by Pierce The Veil. Please enjoy this chapter!

Also trigger warning ⚠️
- Drowning
- Depression

Tiffany's Point of View

It's been a week since Zayn's meeting with the pack. Since then Zayn has sent troops into Joshua's pack with a letter demanding they return all the captives to their respective pack, or actions will set foot. And somehow our warriors came home with a pregnant pack woman, whom I now know as Ariana, and her little boy Demetrius.

This was no act of mercy or kindness. He is purposely keeping all the high ranking members he kidnapped. He kidnapped all the Beta Females, and a gamma, deltas; Trent, from Preston's pack, and many warrior members from everyone's pack. He purposely takes only one mate, so whomever is left behind is weaken, like Niall, who still hasn't awakened from his coma. He also tortures the mate, so the entire pack is weaken along with the mate.

I know he is out for Katherine, James, and myself. He knows our packs will be weakened without us. Although I know I pack is already slowly weakening because their damned Luna can't even find the strength to get out of bed. In the past week, I've barely moved an inch. Zayn forces me to eat three meals a day, and shower once day.

I can't do anything.

Every move.

Every breath.

Every thought hurts.

The past week for me has been jumping into the deep end of a pool then forgetting how to swim. My lungs battle for air, and chlorine fries my brain and burns my throat, ears and nose. I kick and pump my arms, but all my work is in vain. I just slip deeper and deeper. And everything is numb and fuzzy.

I'm weak and aching.

John Green once called depression a side effect of dying. I know at this point, this is much more than depression. I know I am facing some psychotic break that is sucking the life from my veins. If I am dying, I wish for my demise to be quickly done. I just want it all over. I don't want to suffer anymore.

Athena mourns for life that could have been with me, but she still has life in her lungs. Everyday she tries to make me get up, but it doesn't happen. Getting up would mean, hope, and I've used my entire tank of hope, not a drop is left. Javadd and Zayn also beg me to live. Yesterday, Zayn was so desperate, he begged me to come train with him.

I couldn't..

The look in his eyes cut me so deep. If I had a gun I'd shoot myself right then and there. I hate disappointing him when he could be so much happier with someone else.

Zayn says a gruff goodbye to his friends, and the meeting down the hall comes to and end. Thump. Thump. Thump. Feet come closer to the room. Thump. Thump. Thump. I'm enveloped in Zayn's scent. It comes with a bit of comfort, but just a tiniest bit, barely a pinch. Thump.

He's outside the door.

Hair covers my eyes. I do not see as he comes in. The bed dips behind me. He gently pulls me closer to him and sets my head on his lap. As everyday, he brushes my hair, slowly, careful with the tangled locks, and hums a different song. Today I think it was some song from Twilight.

Athena is purring at Zayn's touch. He hums and strokes my arm, if I was not so numb the goose bumps he left on the arms would freeze my skin right off. Hums fall into lyrics. His soft baritone voice, once would have been enough to silence my most verbose demons.

"...your love is my turning page where only the sweetest words remain."
He hums a little and nibs my ear. The vibrations tickle my cheek. Kissing my cheek he continues the next verse.

"...every kiss is a cursive line, every touch is a redefining phrase..."

His voice is huskier than before, but still smooth, as usual.

"I surrender who I've been for who you are. For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.."

He tires of brushing my hair, and pulls my whole body in his arms, cradling my body like a child.

"Tiffany," he whispers so soft, as he pushes a piece of hair from my face.

"If I had only felt how it feels to be yours well I would have known..what I've been living for all along."

"What I've been living for."

He kisses my forehead, and rocks me slowly. "Come back to me, Tiffany," he chants, "Come back, baby. I can't do this without you. Come back."

There is something on his face. For just a moment, I swear it was a tear. He turns too quick for me to be sure. More chlorine fills my lungs, burning me from the inside out. I reach to wipe the the tear.

I swear I do.

I swear I want to.

I swear.

My hand is too heavy, tied to my side with steel cordage. My mouth hangs with padlock that I do not know the combination to. I swear I try to say something, I swear I do. I try to grab his hand. My fingers are too stiff. I try. My attempts are all fruitless. My body is too numb.

I can not even cry. My eyes are all dried up and refuse to produce liquid. Athena and I are too weak to communicate with Zayn through our link.

Fuck. My head hurts. That was too much thinking for one day, and my body shuts down. I'm limp as notebook paper, and numb as a shot of novocaine. I slip deeper into the pool and lie on the bottom.

I let the chlorine fry my brain. Fighting is pointless. The burning sensation fills my lungs, and I welcome it. Maybe if I breathe enough of this poison it will erase the memory of the look on Zayn face.

I suck large amounts into my lungs. Now I'm dizzy, numb, and limp. My back pressed to the bottom of the pool. I watch Zayn turn off the lights. Rain outside beats the window bloody. A wolf, possibly a pack member, howls somewhere far away.

Zayn mutters something imperceptible.

Lovely. Now I'm death, dizzy, numb, and limp. I fall deeper and I am swallowed into the bleak darkness. More chlorine fills my brain and I'm out.

____________________________________

Hello loves I hope you're having a lovely day or evening. I hope everything is well and right in your life and I hope you know how important you are. I hope you know I am always hear to talk if you need an ear.

I'm so sorry you have to read this chapter.

Remember, you are loved.

All the love xx

- Ashley -