Diary From The Carrot Union

Chapter 26: #Catharsis

I panicked as I yelled for everybody's attention the moment the van enclosed us, but to my surprise, Woofer and his pack was already up, calmly waiting for the vehicle to stop and open its doors. And to my surprise, I saw the fat face of Big Mew exiting the driver's seat, walking blubbery in a beeline towards me before grabbing me by my nape like I was some sort of puppy, before proceeding to hug me.

"Big Mew!" I exclaimed, surprised, "What the hell! S-Stop suffocating me!"

"Small white rabbit no complain! Comrade Joseph calls big Mew to help small white rabbit and pretty black wolf!"

Violet smiled as she came next to me, before Joseph, Star, still holding her cockroach in the jar gathered up around me as we together looked at Woofer, who promptly told Big Mew to place me down.

I swore I broke my rib cage as Big Mew dropped me to the ground, but I found myself intact as Joseph helped me up with a small smile as he noticed I'm unharmed.

"Good job Big Mew!" Woofer said, "Now come on, everybody, into the van!"

****

Well, the gang's all officially here! We got our leader Woofer, the smart and pretty babe of the group as Violet, the spunky and lighthearted lancer as Joseph, the large and hulking tank as Big Mew, and the bright and shining heart of our group as Star, as well as myself, who wouldn't fit any criteria other than being the court jester and perhaps the overgrown baby of the group.

And where there's us all, there shall no be a reprieve for awkward silence, for Joseph accompanied our entire journey with his trusty guitar and surprisingly beautiful voice. At the same time, Star continued her nap with her "little cashew" on the jar while laying on Big Mew's enormous orange blubber.

Violet was in the front seat alongside Woofer, helping him read the topographic map Big Mew somehow found as we went offroad, while Mew himself is fast asleep.

And in that small moment of reprieve, I found myself thinking about my past deeds that led me surrounded by these people, who all-in-all, despite all their flaws care for me, in some way or another, while not once have I ever did them good.

I never had friends. Since the beginning, I was never given the luxury of anything else but the force of a knife cleaving my back, the leeches of sociopathic churchgoers and their ponzi-scheme, or the poignant bitterness of unrequited love.

I always felt the world against me, and not even my siblings were safe. I distrusted them all - expecting myself to be blindsided once they ran off with my parent's inheritance on that fateful day.

Each passing day, I felt my liability grow as my parents enrol me upon higher institutions, only for their expectations to come crashing down with my sub-par score, and each day I can feel their disappointment looking down the skies as I become nothing but a lowly bureaucrat working for scraps underneath the crapsack ideology I once cherished.

And I once thought that the world had failed me, with the urge of swallowing everything in my drug cabinet never to wake up growing each day.

Alas, I am a big baby...And I never deserved to remain alive.

....

And yet, guess I cannot just go back to my old, lonely self, after all, that transpired - to see Joseph and Star somehow looking up to me despite me being such a big joke, even though I broke their heart multiple times - at the moment I swung that vodka bottle to Joseph, or the way I slammed the door at Star on a cold, thunderous night.

The way I insulted Big Mew's appearance multiple times, the way I trivialised Violet's existence and used her to my advantage as if she's a lesser being, and the way I distrust Woofer despite sacrificing his friends for my mere life, why do they keep coming back at me while I'm nothing but a toxic piece of shit?