Diary From The Carrot Union

Chapter 18: #Wooftortellini

 So there I go with little star back to my office and gave him to Comrade Zero as promised, but I was not given the luxury of staying there, for Comrade Woofy got me back on that black unmarked van he drives around outside the city limits.

And it is not helping since Comrade Woofy was playing loud electronic dance music the whole way with these giant subwoofers on the back of his car with holes the size of big vibrating watermelons.

It isn't less of a downward spiral of insanity coupled with cheap beer, cold kvass, and a family of salivating bulldogs on the passenger's backseat armed with loaded rifles, bulletproof vests, and thick Moshareian accents.

We stopped at a gas station to get something to eat, and here I am with four dogs twice the size of me eating cow meat right in front of me, and I knew what's next on the menu should I disobey - Their saliva dripping on my cabbage soup as I tried a nibble, and I figure out it isn't even worth it.

"You're gonna eat?" Woofy asked.

"No, I don't think I will."

That is how the cats keep us in line. However - while the Animalist Party and Animalism exist supposedly as an ideology and source of patriotism bullshit, the only reason we'll fall in line is that we're afraid of getting eaten by predators.

Funny that they call it Carrot Union as if they are fighting for the rights of rabbits and herbivores alike, even though it was general knowledge that the market still sells rabbit meat when they're not just out of stock as usual.

Comrade Woofy burped as he finished his meal of buterbrod and kompot, sitting right in front of me with a toothpick, "Before we go any further, I would like to introduce Comrade Leon to our pack."

"Hello, guys..."

The wolves barely bat an eye as they continue pigging out their meal with their slurping sounds as they dine on wet pelmenis. Unfazed, Woofy urged my attention and pointed at his friend to the left of me.

"Okay, we shall start by name-calling! Comrade Leon, this is Sergeant Woof!"

Okay...Simple. He pointed right

"And this is Comrade Woofy Junior!"

"Excuse me? T-two Woofs?"

"That's not all. This is Commissar Woofia! She's a girl.'

"And if he's supposed to be Woof, then you're supposed to be..."

"That's right!" Woofy asked, "My name is Woofiniliamslavarovich Ilyich Alexandria! But you can call me Comrade Woofy."

Haha, very funny...

"Oh...Right. Is-Is this some sort of sick joke or something? I mean, you guys really take me as a complete idiot, yes?"

But that little sass of mine is the last thing I'll need, for neither Woof, Woofy Junior, Woofia, nor Wooftortellini even snickered as I expected

"Well, do you see us laughing?"

My ears quickly tucked back, "Eh...My bad."

"It seems that prejudice has clouded your mind, little rabbit. Do you see? We are family, and family stick together. Hurt one of them, and you'll have to face the rest! Tell me, small white rabbit, do you have a family?"

Well, your people kind of killed them off, ay? But who am I to complain, yes?

That's the perfect response that I should have said.

"Right...I apologise, yeah? Sheesh."

My ears popped up as Woofy's alarm rang, for it was now time to continue the journey, "Heh, no time to lose," He said, "We have to go now!"