Diary From The Carrot Union

Chapter 7: #Guava

"The fool! Yes! The fool!"

"Hold the feck up! You haven't told me what's going on!"

"W-well...I don't know how to break it to you in a thoughtful way, so yeah..."

I was furious, so I charged him head on to the dirty ground with my paw on his shirt. I started asking questions to him, but only stutters came out from him.

I pressed on, and amidst the chaotic event, no one noticed us.

"Who are you? What is going on!" I yelled.

Joseph broke into whimpers, but I kept demanding until he finally broke.

"The oracle!" Joseph yelled frantically, "The oracle told me to rescue you from prison! So I only did what he told me!"

An ambiguous answer, one that could be interpreted in a million ways, something I somehow expected to come out from a spiritual nut like him, but I thought I'd taken my chances, so I withdrew from him back to my feet.

"That was horrible!" Joseph complained once more, "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings! Sheesh, sir...You scared the hell out of me!"

"Yeah? Is that what you feel?" I said, "That is but a fraction of what I felt the moment that orange feck tried squeezing my intestines out."

"Well, jeez, sir," He got up and went by close, "Y-you could have asked nicely if you don't want to be treated that way. I mean, Big Mew is a kindhearted and gentle giant!"

Gentle giant, you say? Whatever...

"Now come on, sir! We have to prepare! Mr Guava wants to meet you!"

"Who the feck is that? Is he the oracle?"

"Heh," Joseph scoffed, now all smiles, "He's the reason we're fighting this damn war."

"Fighting for what? Fruit loops?"

"Follow me, sir! We're not far."
So I found myself following him again since I sure know I'm not going to survive out here unless I somehow figure out to lobby these lunatics for a ticket back home to town.

But still, what must my attorney have to do with all of this?

We went past a very diverse cast of guerilla fighters. However, it was curious that there are no gorillas in sight, so I can crack myself a lighthearted pun to light up all the shit piling up my head tonight, but Joseph, of all people, looked most distressed of all people, and I can see why.

Right there, underneath the vast sycamore tree, stood a tall, gentle wolf - bearded and handsomely clad in a camo suit which opened right on his chest. Big Mew was next to him, alongside several other tall animals with berets and bayonets.

It made me feel violated, as he looked straight like the antithesis of me - Tall, masculine, with golden-brown fur and long dark boots, all while I'm...well...I'm a small white rabbit.

"Oi, Hermano Guava! I am bringing Mr Leon Roborovsky!"

And damn, does Joseph have to be so open about it.

And I thought my tiny balls dropped the moment he turned his vicious eye on me, and that wide megalomaniacal smile big mew gave to me wasn't helping.

"Ah, the fool you say," Guava said in his very masculine, husky, and (add handsome bad boy adjective) voice, bending his knee to his height, "I see you brought this one relatively unharmed, good job, Comrade Joseph."

His breath smelled minty and cold, and he didn't ask me how that is possible. He sniffed my shirt, "Well then, Mr Leon Roborovsky, I believe we both know why we rescued you here."

I didn't know what to say, as my tongues were tied shut, my giblets froze dry, and my buttcheeks clenched shut.

Nothing came out...

Guava mumbled, returning to his height, "No? So you don't know why you're here?"

"T-The oracle?" I stammered, "The oracle wants me here, yeah?"

"Throw him a carrot, Joanna," Guava said, and one of his subordinates hurled a carrot at me. It felt condescending.

"Good rabbit, that's something for our troubles, yeah? Chop-chop!"

I was too scared to get angry, so I took it like the little rabbit I am.

"Very well now, as the oracle wants you here, you are obliged to aid us, but first, you shall need to look like one of us. Comrade Joseph, get him prepped for our next movement."

"Aid you, for what?"

"The kid got all the answer you're looking for, Leon, now go!"

Joseph said yes unconditionally, and it made me feel even more uncomfortable, for he seemed so obedient that it made me sick - I don't know what I'm saying, so I carried my orange carrot stick and followed them.

Joseph led me into one of the tents that smelled of dried mud and wet fur and gave me a new shirt and pants set.

"S-see? You look like one of us now!"

I honestly couldn't even. I felt like I had jumped into a rabbit hole I couldn't crawl out of, or more accurately, thrown down a rabbit hole involuntarily, as I want no part of this.

Moments later, I heard that same screaming again, and it was that Violet girl, now tied into bondage by teeny rabbits a third of her size, gagged into submission, squirming in hatred and resistance, but it was to no avail.

I know neither of us wanted this to happen, judging from her muffled reactions towards me.

"Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am!" Joseph said, "Let me get that gag off your mouth."

I thought that was a bad idea, as I bet five roubles that all she'll do is bitch about it.

There goes the gag from her mouth, and she immediately did what I've expected.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU RABBITS DOING? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS!"
Yep, exactly as I expected.

"Patience lady! Everything will be explained real soon!"

Yeah, you said that for a fifth or sixth time now, but I dare not to interrupt, see how you can wiggle out this one, you floppy-eared feck.

"Right, right, right...I guess I'll explain the gist of it, okay?"

"What, the oracle?" I snarled, "I shall not consent to be a part of his games." I took a bite of the long orange stick, and it felt juicy.

"Stop..." Violet suddenly said

"What? What's wrong?"

"Stahp!" She yelled, "Stop chewing on that thing!"

"Fine, sheesh!"

It was clear that Joseph was losing control over the banter, so I thought of staying silent to let him speak out, but one word he said, Violet replied with a hundred, and so on.

Finally, I had enough of their pointless banter and raised my voice.

"Shut the feck up, you fussed up woof-woof! Let the little guy speak!"

"Excuse me, little rabbit? Who are you calling ''woof-woof?" I'm a maned wolf and remember that!"

I wanted to retaliate badly, but I quickly withdrew my attempt to take a deep breath.

"You see? You don't have the guts to even talk shit about me! What are you? Some third-rate bureaucrat that's too tame even to bite back?"

"You know what, Joseph? Put the gag back on."

"Yes, I agree..."

"WHAT? Don't you dare put that thing back on my face!"

But we took it to ourselves and proceeded to climb over her and gag her back, and soon the bitching went back into disgruntled muffles.

"Alright, Joseph, I think you owe both of us an explanation. What the hell is going on?"

"Well...Here's what I can tell you, I guess..."