If I Told You [Completed]

Abandon

edited

He hears the sirens, the loud footsteps of the people. He remembers when she was taken from his arms and he stood there, frozen in place with his feet locked on the carpeted floor.

He could hear people yelling his name. Calling him, asking him questions. But he didn't move, he couldn't move. He couldn't hear anything, he zoned-in on Stephanie, the surroundings blurring around him.

He remembers finally being able to move and driving to the hospital immediately. He was there just in time to see the paramedics rush Stephanie into the emergency room.

She was covered in blood, she lay there on the gurney, lifeless.

Sawyer looked down and realized he had her blood on his hands, on his shirt. Everywhere. His clothes were stained with the crimson red substance.

He couldn't remember what happened next. He must've blacked out, his memory of what happened had vanished.

He couldn't remember how long he stayed there in the waiting room. How long he was pacing around. His hands were shaking, he stared at his feet as they were on the tiled ground.

People told him to sit down, or to drink water, do anything but walk around. But he couldn't function until he knew, knew that Stephanie was alright, that she survived.

He had told Julia what happened, then immediately shut off his phone and placed it back inside his pocket. He knew she must be panicking, but he didn't care, didn't care what she thought or what she said about him.

People around him tried asking what was wrong, but he didn't answer. He shook his head at them, still pacing around the waiting room.

He remembers at some point that he picked up his phone. He found it with hundreds of messages from Julia. The earliest ones were from her trying to ask what had happened, but the latest were her telling him to eat, to function. Because they both knew that's what Stephanie would want him to do in a situation like this.

He smiled at the memory of Stephanie messaging him every day, just reminding him to eat, to get up, to do things. Every morning he woke up with messages like that from her on his phone.

His smile instantly faltered as he remembered the last time that he saw Steph. When he saw her, her face pale and blood covering her body.

He blamed himself for everything that occurred. He knows that Stephanie wouldn't want him to blame himself, but he couldn't help it.

He was the last person to talk to her, it was him. He was the reason. It was because of him that she was in the OR, having surgery.

He beat himself up about it, for the hours and hours that she was in there for surgery. As he sat outside in the waiting room, scolding himself silently.

He felt someone tap his shoulder after a while, he vaguely remembered them telling him that Stephanie was alright, that she was finally out of surgery and her vitals were stable.

He finally looked up and came to, surveying the room he sat in.

He knew he couldn't stay there there for long, couldn't wait in the room.

He had heard Stephanie was alright, he knew she was fine. So, now, he could leave.

But he still couldn't forgive himself for what he did to Stephanie.

He rushed out of there, leaving the hospital and running to his rental car that sat in the parking lot of the hospital.

He didn't have anything essential on him, or with him. All he had was his phone, maybe some money if he was lucky, and his car keys.

Sawyer got in the car, hitting the steering wheel with his fists. There were tears streaming down his face now.

He had never dealt with his problems; he usually ran away from his problems. And, again, that was what he was doing right now.

No one knew where he was going. Hell, he didn't even know where he was going.

He picked up his phone, calling Julia. She picked up immediately, calling out his name.

He didn't do anything, just sat there, taking in her scolding. He sat there sobbing, not talking. He cried out into the empty space of his car.

He couldn't hear Julia anymore, his sobs being too loud to hear her.

The only thing he heard was, "Sawyer? Sawyer calm down. I don't hate you. Sawyer look at me..."

He looked over at her, seeing her face pop up on his phone. She was...beautiful. She looked like she was standing in an airport.

He choked on a sob seeing her.

"Sawyer? Sawyer, I know you can hear me. Im going to New York. Please stay there." She pleaded with him.

After that, he hung up. He knew that if she asked, he would've stayed, but he couldn't. He couldn't stay there any longer.

He drove for hours on end, not knowing where he was.

He hadn't showered in 4 days: he'd eaten 3 meals in 4 days. He had barely slept.

He saw a sign that said... "Welcome to Illinois."

God, he'd driven to Illinois. There was no rhyme or reason, he just wanted to get away from New York right now.

He knew he couldn't go to California, his home. They'd try to find him there. He drove around for hours, for days.

He arrived in Wisconsin...where he had been living for 3 years now. 3 years from when he last saw Stephanie in New York. 3 fucking years since he ran away from his problems, from Stephanie.  

edited me: sawyer is a complete asshole