my favorite girl

xix

N

/

It's like everything in my life revolves around Jackson now.

I hated it.

I hate when my other friends at school try and make him our topic everytime.

I hate when people come up to me only to ask me about him.

But I most especially hate it when it was Momo who butts him into our conversation.

We barely even talk about us anymore, me and her,

Because all I ever do was hang out with Jackson at school, too afraid to tell him off, or to tell everyone else that "No, we weren't dating," or "No, I don't actually want to date him."

I miss Momo so much.

I miss it when it was just me and her.

When I reached our house, I rushed up to my room, hid under my blankets, and cried for hours.

I woke up, perhaps, a few minutes later when someone knocks on my door.

"Go away, mom. I don't wanna talk," I say, my voice muffled.

However, when my door cracked open and a familiar voice responded, instead, I immediately got up.

"It's me, actually."

Momo stood by my door, peeking through it.

"May I come in?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're already in."

Momo shrugged innocently, "What do you mean? I'm still outside your room."

I pouted. "Just come in already."

She chuckled lightly before walking in, shutting the door and sitting next to me on my bed.

When neither of us spoke, I oddly didn't feel nervous at all.

In fact, it was comfortable, the silence between Momo and I.

And then, she spoke, "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to upset you."

I frowned at her. It wasn't even her fault I'm upset.

It was my fault. It always has been.

If only I was brave enough to tell people off; tell them no; tell them what I want and what I don't without the fear of them, hating me always getting the best of me;

Maybe if I could actually bear the thought of people hating me for once, or if I could bear the idea of not having to please everyone with the things I say and do,

Maybe Momo wouldn't be apologizing right now.

Maybe we hadn't gone into a fight.

But, at some point, I think it's okay that we did.

Because if we didn't, then I wouldn't have any reasons to pull Momo in for the tightest hug right now.

I buried my face to her shirt and cried there.