my favorite girl

xxx

M

/

I heard everything Chaeyoung and Nayeon talked about.

But that is only because I was at my usual spot by our front yard, sitting on my old, rusty swing.

My mom had my dad move it out front a few years ago, but they never got it fixed like she promised to.

It was okay, though. She didn't have to, anymore.

I had Nayeon's swing, anyway. And Nayeon.

(I think this is the first time in 13 years I sat on my own swing again, because I didn't think I could come over to use Nayeon's this time around.)

I watched over our fence the way Nayeon and Chaeyoung bid each other goodbye, wrapping each other up in a hug.

Nayeon started walking towards her porch when Chaeyoung was finally out of sight, but stopped when she caught my gaze through our shared fence.

She was still a few steps away, and she just froze there, our eyes glued to each other. Her grip on her bag tightened before she sighed, looking down as she took a few steps closer to approach me.

When she was close enough, I smiled. When she stopped right across from me, I said,

"Hey."

She smiled back, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Hey, Mo."

I could hug her right now.

But I stopped myself from jumping over our shared fence in order to wrap her longingly in my arms, (we were both tall enough to not settle for just peeking through the holes in it, anymore.)

"You okay?" I heard Nayeon's worried voice, so I pulled myself out of my thoughts. "You're blinking too fast."

I think I heard my heart shatter inside my chest. Nonetheless, I just forced a smile before asking, parroting Chaeyoung's question,

"Are you coming to the recital tomorrow night?"

I really wanted to know her answer.

My voice was barely audible, though Nayeon seemed to catch it, anyway.

I was dreadful of what was about to come out of her mouth next. But I tried my best not to show it.

Clearing her throat, Nayeon says, "I don't know, Momo."

I couldn't deny it hurt terribly.

But you said, the first time, that you could never miss it for the world.

"I'll see if I could. Chae just asked if I wanted to hang out. I'm still thinking if I should come with her or not."

Will you seriously choose her over me?

"Besides," Nayeon sighed. She tore her gaze away from mine. "I don't think Mina would be so happy to see me there—"

"And you don't want her to hate you," I finished off for her.

Nayeon forced a chuckle.

"I think a lot of girls at school already hate me enough. I don't need another one coming after me, for being there for you."

But Mina and I are already broken up.

I broke up with her.

Because I'm in love with you.

I wanted to say all of that out loud so she could hear, so she could get every word through that wonderful brain of hers.

I wanted to tell Nayeon. To, after so many years, finally let her know.

But in the end, all that I came up with was, "Okay," and then I stepped back from the fence, creating more distance between us than there already is. "Shoot me a text, when you make up your mind."

It was only ten minutes left before Mina and I's performance, and I was still pacing uneasily backstage.

There were people outside, waiting for me, cheering for my name. I could barely even hear Mina's. They were all there to watch me.

But I couldn't care less.

Because the person I want to cheer for me the most wasn't even out there.

And despite the backstage coordinator asking us to be ready in five, I couldn't help but check my phone over and over desperately.

Nayeon still hasn't texted.

Eventually, my five minutes ran out. I offered my hand to Mina, and we walked out the stage together hand in hand.

Bright lights blinded me, applause intensifying, vibrating against my skull.

While everyone else thought of me as I danced passionately,

All I can think of was Nayeon.

(She was my favorite girl, after all.)