Faded Memories [Book I]

Fourteen

Diary #14
Attachment can be really damn scary. Can I control my own self?

I was caught off guard when I heard a click from a camera. "You don't VLOG anymore?" she asked while looking at the picture she took.

Yes, I don't VLOG anymore because that's not my thing. I am not even good in editing some videos or taking videos or simply because I am not Sabrene.

I am not Sabrene.

Ano bang pinaglalaban ko?

"You look so cute here." nakangiting sabi niya sa akin at ipinakita yung mga pictures parang ang lalim ng tingin ko habang punong puno ang bibig ko dahil sa kinakain ko.

Ano kayang magiging reaction niya pag malalaman niyang hindi ako si Sabrene? Of course, she's gonna get mad at me and I'll be out of her life in that time. I don't know but the more I try to know her, the more I wished I could've known her too not as someone pretending to be Sabrene but as Erin Santos.

I want her to be my friend that despite her status she seems so geniune and humble.

"Hans." tawag ko sakanya na ikinatingin niya sa akin saka ito ngumiti. "I miss hearing my name with your voice. You rarely call me Hon or even my name." nagtatampong sabi niya kaya tinawag ko na naman ang pangalan niya na mas lalong ikinangiti niya.

"Hmm? Yes, Hon?" she asked smiling at me. "Do you wanna uh... continue your therapies or even go have a check up?" tanong ko sakanya saka naman siya nagulat. I know this is so out of nowhere question but I need to make my move.

I am not here to know her or enjoy her company but I am here to help her stand again. I need to make some improvement so that we can stop this pretending shit.

Pag mas pinapahaba ko to, mas lalo kaming masasaktan pareho. I need go pull out and save myself before it's too late.

Iniwas niya ang tingin sa akin kaya hinawakan ko ang kamay niya kaya ulit napatingin siya sa akin. "Don't worry Hans, I'll be with you hmm?" kabadong sabi ko sakanya.

I need to do my job right now.

"Sab, I am so scared. Paano... paano kung tuluyan na akong mabulag? The memories... Ang mga alala ko hindi pa masyadong clear. The accident that happened was all blur I don't even know what happened. Ang naalala ko lang ang mukha mo... kung paano mo ako niyakap nung nabangga tayo.. Ang gulo." I can feel her trembling and her voice is even shaking while saying those words.

I can't imagine the pain she went through. Kung sa akin nangyari yun baka hindi ko kayanin.

Those memories and that moment must've been so traumatic on her. Idagdag mo pa na wala si Sabrene. Kung nasaan man siya ngayon, sana bumalik na siya.

Please Sabrene, come back. Hans need you right now.

"It's okay... Hmm? It's alright. I'll be with you. Kaya tayo magpapatherapy at check up para tignan nila kung may mali man sayo o sa mga mata mo at kung meron, aagapan nila yun agad. There's a lot of best doctors here and the technology are improving or we can go to the US just to have another option, right?" seryosong sabi ko sakanya na mukhang nagpakalma sakanya.

I guess Sab is so important in her life.

"Just promise me you'll be by my side forever." seryosong sagot naman niya sa akin kaya kami nagkatinginan. She pulled me for a hug and she kissed my head. Damn that simple gesture almost melted my heart.

I slowly nod at her. I know I won't be by her side forever but for now I'll give her a fake assurance just to make her feel okay.

Kahit ngayon lang.