Faded Memories [Book I]

Seventeen

Diary #17
Respect.
It's not something I easily get from boys or my exes but the way she touch me makes me feel so respected.

Hans: You're not gonna come again?

Hans: Are you still busy?

Pasimple kong tinignan ang phone ko ng makita ko ang sunod sunod niyang text. I've been trying to avoid her after our hot make out in her room. Shit! Whenever I remember that scene I can't help but blush. I still can remember how she made me feel a lot of things in that moment.

Fuck, wake up! Erin. Get your shit together! Don't let your guard down.

Hans: I hope I can receive a simple reply from you. :)

Pagkatapos ng halikan naming iyon, umalis na rin ako agad. It was so awkward to the point I can't bear it anymore. She even said sorry to me for what happened that fucking pissed me off big time.

Like why? She didn't liked what happened? Ako lang ba yung nakaramdam non?

Sa sobrang inis ko umalis na lang ako I was trying so hard not to show my annoyed and mad expression until I can't take it anymore, I walked out.

Bwiset siya!

Why the hell would she say sorry? It was just a casual make out! Why would she say sorry? Naghahalikan naman sila ni Sab noon ah, basang basa ko sa diary niya sarap na sarap pa siya so what's the fucking big deal with making out with me huh?

Hans: When your name pop in my screen my lips automatically smile. :)

Napangiti ako agad ng mabasa ko yon ng marealize ko ang itsura ko. Geez. Why am I smiling? She's literally making me goosebumps.

Hans: Sorry if I keep bothering you. Just wanna check on you.

Kahit hindi ko na siya binibisita I always update her my schedule because I don't want her to think that I am gone or I ran away from her again.

Me: Sorry. I am still busy for the upcoming days.

Simpleng sagot ko sakanya kahit ayoko siyang sagutin pero baka mamaya na naman kasi iisipin niyang iniiwasan ko siya. Ang kapal niya din! Ako? Duhh, make out lang yun noh? That was just a casual make out. Nothing more!

Wala nga akong naramdaman eh! Sa totoo lang hindi yun momol, halikan lang yun. Walang hawakan eh... ng maalala ko na naman yung nangyari.

Fuck!

"Erin!" nagulat ako ng may tumawag sa pangalan ko at nakita ko si Yannah na pumasok sa room namin. Why is she here? Bakit siya pumasok dito? May lecture pa kami ah!

"You idiot! What are you thinking huh?" bungad niya sa akin at mukhang tanga akong tumingin sakanya. Huh? Ano daw? "You look stupid smiling imagining something weird in this empty room!" ng tumingin ako sa paligid at wala na silang lahat.

Shit.

"I was waiting for you to come out near the door but you're still here— sitting pretty looking crazy while everyone went out already. Are you okay? Gusto mo magpa-check up sa mental?" dirediretsong sabi niya habang natatawa ito ng itapon ko sakanya ang jacket ko para matakpan ang pagmumukha niya! Kairita rin to.

Kailangan ko nga ata ng check up, mababaliw na ako sa mga nangyayari.

I can't believe I was literally imagining or trying to remember every detail that happened between us even though nothing really happened.

Shit.

I am really fucking going crazy or maybe I am just really horny. Ugh. Damn that Hans!

Kailangan ko na talagang tapusin ang pagpapanggap na ito. It's not good for me. It will never be good for me and she's damn no good for me. Fuck her!