For you| Pedro Pascal

21. What not to expect

It's been five hours. Five hours of me staring at him. Him watching me. Me watching to see if he's still watching. Him watching me to see if I'm watching him watch me. It's been exhausting. Seriously, so mentally exhausting. I am trying to understand this guy's vibe but I just can't. He comes off flirty but started off as helpful. I won't lie to myself, he's very attractive. But only in a general attractive way. I haven't felt that connection with him, not the way I have with Pedro. The way he watches though tells me he doesn't feel the same.

I don't even realize that while I'm having an internal monologue, I'm looking right at him. "You know, if you just started talking to me, we could probably stare at each other without making this weird," Max says. I roll my eyes. "What's your deal anyways? You were nice and helpful earlier. Now it's deep watching and trying to hold my hand," I mutter. He sighs. "I was just trying to offer some comfort. You said you don't like flying. That's all it was Andy. Also, I don't think it's a crime to find someone attractive. I won't hide it. I find you extremely attractive," he says softly, raising the plastic cup to his mouth, another empty shooter next to it. "I'm also extremely pregnant. Hence why we rushed our schedule, which I'm sure you were aware of," I say, looking out the window. "Actually, I didn't. I won't say bummer because I'm sure you don't feel that way. Who's is it?" He asks bluntly. I laugh. "You don't even try to hide your bluntness do you?" He shakes his head. "I don't believe in wasting time. Flirting or getting rejected." I look down to my hands. "Pascal. It's....fairly new and not so new. A strange middle. This wasn't a part of the plan," I say softly. He readjusts himself. "Well babies aren't really planned when you're just about to hit the high in your career right? Neither is settling down. I've seen you around. Things have been good for you but you're about to do even better. These movies, they're opportunities. You'll be up there and this guy, this guy is just comfort and familiar," he says.

I turn back to face him. "You don't know anything. He's great and you can't talk about someone you don't know like that," I say. He looks straight at me. "Andy, I don't need to know the guy personally to know who he is. He's got great work. He's got the nice guy thing working for him. You'll get tired. Diapers and bottles. Turning down jobs because they're too far. That's not you." He's right. You'll turn down jobs that you won't want to. You'll watch him take them while you stay home. I snap out of those thoughts immediately. "I don't have to pick just one thing. Anyways, what's the matter with you? Talking about all of this without even trying to get to know your coworker. This is how you start off encounters with new partners? Back off," I say, popping my earbuds in and turning away.

I feel a tug at my sleeve. I glance to see him starting again. He's talking but I can't hear anything. He pulls an earbud out. "Hey!" I snap. He smiles. "Okay, so now that you can hear me. How'd he get you?" He asks, as if he didn't just put my whole career down. "What do you mean?" I say, sighing and annoyed. "How did he get YOU," emphasizing the you. I shrug. "I don't even know how to answer that. He didn't "get" me. I don't belong to him. We aren't each other's property." I say. Max sighs. "That's the problem. You don't belong to each other, when you should. And on top of that, you're already having his kid. When he leaves you at home and keys off to a new project while you're still breastfeeding at home. What then? You stop working? You give up? For someone you "don't belong to?" Tell me how that's any fair to either of you." I take a moment. "I love him. He loves me. This wasn't planned, but it's here. And I can't change that. I also don't have to stay behind and watch the world pass me by. Babies don't mean death sentences. Nothing has to dramatically change," I say. "Except you will. You're willing to trash your body, your independence, and your career just when it's getting good. I'm not judging you. I want to know how." His face his sad. Lonely almost. "I won't lie. It's a little heartbreaking accepting that my life won't be the same. I'm going to get so big. And then I'll complain that my body won't look the way it looked two months ago in about five years. And him and I will fight, yeah. But that's life. Sharing it with others. Learning to put others first. Living for others. And honestly, picturing that, is just enough to make it worth it." I start tearing up. Stupid hormones. Max takes a thumb up to my cheek, wiping the tears falling down my face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get deep with you. I'm drunk. Or just an ass." My heart freezes while his thumb still rested on my face. I quickly grabbed a napkin, wiping my face and forcing his hand out of the way. "I'm just extra emotional these days. And look, we can be cool if you just ease back on the 21 questions, alright?" I say. He laughs and nods. "Sounds like a deal," he says
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