Requested by bts_armylove_xoxo
warning: eating disorders, diets
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Nobody bothered to look at him and say, "Hey Taehyung, are you okay?"
But at the end of the day, Taehyung forced himself to accept that was for the best. Because if anybody did find out, they would bother him and tell him to stop doing the things that he did.
But, heck, Taehyung wanted someone to notice. He wanted someone to comment about his changed appearance. He wanted his mom to worry about his sunken cheeks and dark eye circles, but she never noticed. The same old stories about what her neighbour did and how she was so happy that her son was so successful, it was the same old, same old. Taehyung was tired. His brother and sister never noticed. His dad never noticed. The members or their families never noticed. The staff never noticed.
It made Taehyung wonder, had he managed to do anything at all? Was all the "progress" that he told himself he was making... was it just an illusion?
He had started at 145 lbs. He had dropped. He had gained. But now, now, he had made progress. 129.
He had more to lose. He had more ways to go. He wouldn't stop until he was perfect. Until he had regained the control that he longed for in his hectic life.
And then, hopefully, others would notice. They would worry about him, ask him if he was eating properly, beg him to take care of himself, and make Taehyung feel like he was important. Because all he felt now was disconnected. Nobody noticed him having a hard time, nobody said anything, nobody cared. Nobody would notice if he left.
To them, he was Kim Taehyung, the big eater and big talker. Once he became the opposite of that, they would notice. Then, they would beg him to come back.
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He couldn't look at himself. Looking at his body made him get irrationally angry. Everything was so wrong. He wanted it to look different.
Taehyung didn't want to be stick thin. No. He just wanted to look good. Like... handsome and all. The kind of face and body that people would like. The kind that the others wouldn't make fun of.
But at the same time, he wanted the others to worry about him. He wanted to be so frail and fragile that he couldn't hold himself up properly. It was so messed up. He knew it was messed up. He knew that nobody in their right mind would want that for themselves. But he couldn't stop himself from fantasizing. Couldn't stop fantasizing about how good he would look when he was that small or how the others would worry about him. How the others would actually care.
They had worried for Jimin when he was having problems. They worried about Yoongi, Namjoon, Hoseok, Jin, Jungkook... but never him, no never him. Because he was always healthy. He was always good.
Fuck. He was messed up.
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"Taehyung? You already ate right?" Hoseok asked.
"Yep!" Taehyung nodded eagerly. He had had his lunch of gourmet water already. He hadn't had anything since the morning. He was saving all his unused calories for tonight's dinner when everybody was going to be there.
His progress had been smooth for the last week. He hadn't binged at all, meaning that he had managed to keep his cravings at bay. It helped that he never bought those foods for himself. It was easy to resist cravings for chocolate cake if there was no chocolate cake in the apartment.
"That's great." Hoseok grinned. "That means there is more food for the rest of us!"
"Yay!" Jin and Jungkook yelled in unison.
YOU ARE READING
Taehyung Oneshots and Sickfics
Fanfiction"Taehyung paused the music. For once, he took a break. He couldn't breathe. His hands were shaking. His arms and legs felt like they were made of lead. He felt like all he wanted to do was lay down and sleep forever. He should do that. He really sho...
